Women In Indonesian Province Have Been Banned From Farting

Update: The Wadiyan is an online satire newspaper that publishes fictional news reports with the intention of providing pure humour. And I did not know that. Never before have I been so pleased to report that this news item is a piece of satire. Let the farting resume!

According to a new law, the women in the Indonesian province of Aceh will now have to hold in their farts or face punishment, which may include 20 lashes for small farts and up to three months in prison for bigger bouts of flatulence. The mayor of the city, Sayyid Yahia, said the ban against female gas passing was necessary to save peoples’ morals and behaviors:

“Muslim women are not allowed to fart with sound, it’s against Islamic teachings … When you see woman fart loud, she appears like a man. But if she sit sideways and pass it quietly, she looks like a woman.”

The ban will not extend to “quiet” farts or gas passed in the home. “It will be the responsibility of the husband to make sure that his wife upholds Islamic values at home,” Yahia explained.

Medical doctors, scholars and anyone who has one lick of logic have spoken publicly against the law, saying that farting has little to do with modesty and everything to do with digestive health. The Indonesian Feminists Association told local media that they will fight for their right to fart as they please.

I will stand beside them, in the fight for digestive freedom. I’m getting beans for lunch and plan to fart loudly in public in protest. But seriously, I can’t believe we live in a world that would try to control womens’ autonomic nervous systems. That is absolute insanity.[Wadiyan]