Here’s a shocking surprise: The Frisky staff are a bunch of total pervs. And even though I don’t write a ton about sex, I basically have the mentality of a 12-year-old boy, where I think butts, boobs and penises are super funny all the time. This morning, in a haze of cold medicine, I started thinking about my long-held theory that tons of supposedly clean pop songs are actually just thinly veiled missives on boning. Like come on, just what are Hall & Oates referring to when they sing “I can’t go for that, no no, no can do”? It’s definitely about anal.
After the jump, we ruin some of your favorite songs.
1. Meatloaf, “I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)”
Lyric: But I’ll never forgive myself if we don’t go all the way tonight / And I would do anything for love, oh I would do anything for love / Oh I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, no I won’t do that
Meaning: He wants to do it in her butt.
2. Backstreet Boys, “I Want It That Way”
Lyric: You are my fire / The one desire / Believe when I say / I want it that way
Meaning: The way he wants it? In her butt.
3. Extreme, “More Than Words”
Lyric: Saying I love you / Is not the words I want to hear from you / It’s not that I want you / Not to say, but if you only knew / How easy it would be to show me how you feel / More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Meaning: If she really wants to prove she loves him, she’ll take one up the pooper.
4. John Legend, “Save Room”
Lyric: This just might hurt a little / love hurts sometimes when you do it right / dont be afraid of a little bit of pain / pleasure is on the other side
Meaning: Save room. In your butt. It might hurt, but it’s totally gonna be awesome.
5. Kelly Rowland, “Put It In”
Lyric: Don’t come around if you gone let me down / You gotta get it all the way in / I wanna see you work
Meaning: Well she’s telling him to put it in…
6. Toni Basil, “Hey Mickey”
Lyric: So come on and give it to me anyway you can / Anyway you want to do it, I’ll take it like a man
Meaning: She’ll take it like a man. In the butt.
7. Nine Inch Nails, “Closer”
Lyrics: You let me violate you / you let me desecrate you / You let me penetrate you … I want to fuck you like an animal
Meaning: He wants to desecrate … your butt.
8. Frankie Goes to Hollywood, “Relax”
Lyric: Relax / Don’t do it / When you wanna go to it / Relax / When you wanna come
Meaning: Tackles the very real problem of relaxing one’s sphincter during anal sex.
9. Grace Jones, “Pull Up to the Bumper”
Lyric: Just follow all the written rules / You’ll fit into the space / Pull up to my bumper, baby / In your long black limousine / Pull up to my bumper, baby / And drive it in between
Meaning: Follow the rules to having anal sex with Grace Jones and you’ll “fit into the space.”
10. Little Richard, “Tutti Frooti”
Lyric: Though they were eventually made radio-friendly, Richard’s original chorus was: “Tutti Frutti, good booty / If it don’t fit, don’t force it / You can grease it, make it easy.” Yup.
Meaning: Grease up your penis before you slide it in the butt.
11. Deep Purple, “Knockin’ At Your Back Door”
Lyric: Feel it coming / It’s knocking at the door / You know it’s no good running / It’s not against the law / The point of no return / And now you know the score / And now you’re learning / What’s knockin’ at your back door
Meaning: Girl, don’t fight it, my dick is gonna be in your butt.
12. Captain and Tenille, “Do That To Me One More Time”
Lyrics: Do that to me one more time / Once is never enough with a man like you
Meaning: Do that (stick it in my butt) again.