If you thought the “Real Housewives’” divorces were messy, this couple takes irreconcilable differences to a whole new level. A Zimbabwean woman is seeking a divorce because, amongst other outlandish claims, she says her husband tried to force her to have sex with a snake. The husband countered that claim saying his wife urinated on his church uniform and physically abused him.
The wife, Venenciah Chatima, argued her case:
“The reason why he is divorcing me is not that I am abusing him as he claims in this court. The real issue here is that I refused to sleep with a snake. What happened was that he came home with a brand new television set and he told me that if I wanted him to bring more things at home I was supposed to have sex with a snake … Even though I refused to sleep with the snake, I have noticed that every morning I will be feeling as if I had slept with someone. As you can see I no longer have my front teeth. I lost them the day he assaulted me because I had entered our bedroom and caught my husband sleeping with his 25-year-old girlfriend on our matrimonial bed.”
Of course there are two sides to every story. Her husband, Mutsvodi Makwini had his own grievances:
“I want the court to separate me from this woman because we have failed to live as husband and wife. One of the main reasons why I want her out of my house is because she is in the habit of deliberately urinating on my church uniform and I no longer have a uniform to wear when going to church. She is also a violent person and I also want her to be stopped from pulling my private parts … I have never forced her to sleep with a snake. I only talked about it to her in passing and not that I was forcing her.”
Yup, this couple should most definitely get divorced. The magistrate found in favor of the husband. Church uniform urination and private parts-pulling trumps adultery and snake rape. No, this is not an April Fool’s post. I wish it were. [African Seer]