Fairy Tales For Twentysomethings Are Exactly As Depressing As You Imagined

Let’s face it, you don’t need fairy tales when you’re a kid, when your whole world is a metaphorical warm sack of amniotic fluids full with all the food, love and sleep you’d ever want. No, you need fairytales when you’re a jaded, slightly damaged twentysomething, in need of inspiration, hope and a paycheck to pay the rent. Enter Fairy Tales For Twentysomethings, a Tumblr that rewrites classic fairy tales in a more, uh, realistic bent. Take Snow White:

Snow White didn’t like Mondays, so she sang a song to get her through: “Whistle while you work, and cheerfully together we can—oh my God how have only two minutes gone by somebody kill me now I want to die.”

I mean, right?

Or how about Robin Hood, who, of course would be some kind of sustainable socialist type who thinks all his generosity will help him score with women:

Robin Hood was questioning his decision to steal from the rich and give to the poor. Sure, it helped on the local level, but what was he really doing to promote equality on a national level. Or on a global level?

After thinking for a while, he determined that even though the work he did was very small, there was a ripple effect, so it was still a valuable endeavor. Plus the ladies loved it.

Oh, Robin Hood, you playboy. [Fairy Tales For Twentysomethings]