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CPAC Is Wack: 9 Things That Made Us Go “Huh”?

Sarah Palin Big Gulp

This weekend was the Conservative Political Action Conference, an uber-conservative political event where all kinds of crazy shit goes down each year. It was sad because some of these people are absolutely batcrackers crazers. Like, my dad is a Fox News-loving, Bush-voting Republican and he is embarrassed by these people. But at the same time it was delightful because all weekend my Twitter was blowing up with “Oh my God, Sarah Palin said what?!” incredulity. And I do love a good Twitter kerfluffle.

So here are some highlights — and feel free to add others in the comments.

1. Someone suggested we bring back segregation. Also, slavery wasn’t so bad. It gave “food and shelter” to blacks! This happened at a minority outreach panel. Also, a female journalist got chastised for interrupting a man in public. How dare she. [Think Progress]

2. Sarah Palin joked about Big Gulps … and her boobs. First she sipped a sugary Big Gulp while joking that NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg wasn’t around to snatch it away from her. She also joked about her husband buying her a gun for Christmas, making a pun about her “rack.” “He’s got the rifle, I got the rack,” she quipped. Awkward! [National Post]

3. She criticized Washington, D.C. for being too much like reality TV. “We don’t have leadership coming out of Washington. We have reality television, except it’s really bad reality television, and the American people tuned out a long time ago,” Palin railed. This from a woman whose family has participated in the following reality TV shows: “Dancing With The Stars,” “Life’s A Tripp,” “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” and the unaired Levi Johnston reality show, God rest his soul.

4. And she also criticized Karl Rove. Palin came out swinging, too, at insider Republican big-wigs who get their candidates elected, chiefly Karl Rove: “The last thing we need is Washington, D.C., vetting our candidates. The architects can go back to the great Lone Star state and put their names on some ballot.” [USA Today]

5. So, Rove mocked Palin on Fox News. In response, on “Fox News Sunday,” Rove basically smacked Palin on the nose with a newspaper.  Rove sarcastically thanked her and added an extra dick-ish joke at her expense. “I don’t think I’m a good candidate: kind of balding, fat guy. And second, if I did run for office and win, I would serve out my term and wouldn’t leave office midterm.” You know, like Sarah Palin did. Burn. [Christian Science Monitor]

6. The head of the NRA said women need guns to fend off rapists, because he thinks that most rapists jump out of the bushes. Wayne LaPierre called the Obama administration’s support of background checks “insane” and instead pushed this idea that more guns will make everyone safer because we’ll just shoot more bad guys. “The one thing a violent rapist deserves to the face is a good woman with a gun!” LaPierre said. Um … I’d much prefer background checks than shooting people, kthx. [National Post]

7. Donald Trump — also a reality TV star! — suggested we loot Iraq’s oil to “pay ourselves back.” Specifically, families who lost sons or daughters in the war should get some money from oil. Really. He said that. [CNN]

8. Rick Santorum said gay marriage is “against nature.” But really, what else is new with him? [BuzzFeed]

9. Ann Coulter cracked a joke about Chris Christie’s weight, Sandra Fluke’s haircut, and called Bill Clinton a “forcible rapist.”  “That haircut is birth control enough,” Coulter said of Fluke. Wait, I thought Sandra Fluke was a big ol’ slutty slut slut, not an unfuckable uggo? [Huffington Post]

Oh dear. Oh my. I think I need to bathe now.

Email me at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter.

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