10 Dream Oreo Inventions

When I was eight, pretty much all I cared about in life was My Garbage Pail Kids collection and how I could get my hands on more Big Stuff Oreos. I was allowed to have one every day with lunch, which was the equivalent of about four regular Oreos, but still, that wasn’t enough for me. In my mission to get more Big Stuffs, I befriended a girl in the neighborhood because her mom always kept them in the house. We had nothing else in common besides our love of the giant, creme filled cookies. It was a social sacrifice I was willing to make. Clearly, if I had to choose, I was, and still am, a creme over cookie person — though as Oreo is reminding us with their newest campaign, there is no wrong answer. (Check out their new site — and declare your loyalty — here.)

Anyway, when they discontinued the Big Stuffs in 1991, and I had to revert to eating a fistful of Double Stuff Oreos, I’ll admit, I went through a period of mourning. I still hold out hope that they’ll bring them back. I even joined the Facebook group in support. It’s OK to dream. But until then, I’ve been busy concocting some other kinds of Oreo inventions that would make me just as happy as the return of Big Stuffs. Maybe.

1. Oreo Balls. I know that some of us Oreo lovers prefer cookie and some prefer creme. My theory is that we only feel polarized because it’s nearly impossible to get a perfect cookie/creme balance in every bite. BUT, if the cookie and creme were mashed together in bite-sized balls, problem solved. Deliciously. 

2. Dark Chocolate And Carmel Sea Salt Oreos. Some of us Oreo lovers have grown up and become foodies. We may find ourselves craving a cookie that’s a little bit more flavor-forward. If we dipped the outside of the cookie in dark chocolate filled the center with salted caramel creme, I know it would satisfy the more sophisticated cookie palette.

3. Funfetti Oreos. Vanilla, cake/cookie outside with a frosting-like funfetti creme filling sounds way better than birthday cake to me.

4. Bacon Stuff Oreos. A pinch of savory always makes sweetness pop. I’m thinking … a layer of crispy bacon in the center of each cookie. Yesssss.

5. Microwave Oreo Popcorn. Popcorn, butter, salt and Oreos together. Microwave for three to five minutes for the most fabulous movie night of your life.

6. Deep-Fried Oreo Doughnuts. Dip ‘em in batter and deep fry those suckers. Top with powdered sugar for an ooey-gooey doughnutty breakfast.

7. Oreo Fortune Cookies. This would be like a traditional fortune cookie, but the outside would be chocolate and the inside would be filled with creme and a paper fortune. Something like: “You will be hungry again for Oreos in one hour.” So true.

8. Drunken Oreos. An Oreo with a bourbon-soaked creme center would make dessert time a whole lot more fun.

9. Oreo Milk. The best part of eating an Oreo is dipping it in a glass of milk. Forget the whole dipping process and get straight to the Oreo-flavored milk! Your morning cereal just got light years better.

10. The Oreo Pill. These would be pills you could carry in your purse if there were no Oreos around and you needed one ASAP. When the Oreo pill hits your mouth it would expand into full-sized Oreo cookie to satisfy your cravings.