I know that winter is almost over, but I have one sad winter-related confession: I seriously messed up my coat game this season. I was in need of a new coat at the beginning of winter, but despite doing, like, 15 coat shopping guides, couldn’t find one that I liked. So I waited. Then I got drunk, and went drunk shopping at this place in my neighborhood called Oak, where pretty much everything in the store is black and shapeless. Did you know that making decisions is so much easier when you’re drunk? After perusing the racks for about fifteen seconds, I found a coat that was warm and on sale and bought it. Voila! Winter coat.
Except I kind of hate it.
I wore it anyway, and tried again a month or so later, at a friend’s store. I was a little tipsy at the time (this is a theme?) and bought a second coat. This one was cute, but the sleeves were way too long. Plus, it wasn’t actually that warm. The third coat? It was a sale coat, purchased about two weeks ago for $75. I wasn’t drunk this time, I swear. But when it arrived via UPS a few days later I realized the only reason I’d liked it was because it was pretty much the exact same coat as drunk coat number two.
So yeah, despite three attempts, I totally struck out this season. I have officially failed at winter coats this year. And that’s not all. There are myriad items in my closet that are huge mistakes, and I know I’m not the only one. You’ve probably got a style mistake or two you’re hiding under the bed or in some decoy shopping bag. Below, we identify some of our major shopping foibles. Share your own in the comments!
1. Buying something without trying it on and just, you know, hoping it fits. You swear you’re going to return it to the store. Then you lose the receipt. The the tag falls off. Then you give up and bury that mini-skirt in the back of your closet.
3. Shopping on-trend before realizing that the trend in question doesn’t actually fit your body type. Remember when everybody was wearing those drop waist pants? With like, the parachute crotch thing? Yeah, well, if you have wide hips, as I do, you can’t really wear those without looking like a total asshole. Just because they are on trend doesn’t mean you have to buy it.
5. Buying something just because the snobby salesperson in the store is ignoring you and you want to prove that you deserve to be there. Also known as: “Pretty Woman”-ing. Um, I have sooooooo done this. Chances are, the rude salesperson gets a commission out of your purchase. What do you get? A little bit of debt and a new shrug sweater? That’s not good math.
6. Buying clothes for the person you would like to be, but are actually not. You might like the movie “Burlesque,” for reasons that are entirely your own. But you don’t live in the movie “Burlesque.” Not even Christina Aguilera lives in the movie “Burlesque.”
7. Buying clothes out of some sense of nostalgia, because you associate a baja hoodie with that one time you saw Phish. You don’t live the baja hoodie lifestyle anymore. it’s either going to sit in your sweater drawer and rot, or you ‘re going to use it to do your housecleaning.
8. Buying the same thing over and over and over again, even if you no longer even like it. Stop! Collaborate and listen! I mean, stop. Just because you wore babydoll dresses two years ago doesn’t mean you have to keep buying every one that you see now.
9. Buying things to fill the empty hole in your soul. Maybe the empty hole in your soul is temporary, burned there by a breakup or an unfulfilling job. But maybe, it’s a sign that something is truly, completely wrong. In which case, save your dollars for a therapist.
10. Buying things online because they are a fantasy thing that you have no intention of actually wearing. Online shopping is so easy-breezy. Just point and click and you’ve spent $200 on a pair of leopard print pants. Maybe your fantasy online personality would wear them, but there’s no way you’d ever go out in those in real life. But whoops! They’re on sale and nonrefundable!
11. Eagerly gobbling up clothing swap items, because they’re free! Yes, yes, you totally need that red pleather tube top! And even if you don’t, it’s freeeeee. Except it’s just going to take up space in your closet, and the only time you’re going to take it off the hanger is when you bring it to the next clothing swap.
Contact the author of this post at Julie@TheFrisky.com or follow her on Twitter @havethehabit.