An Imagined Conversation With This Model

Me: Excuse me, you’ve got a little something on your chest.

Model: Oh, could you get it off? What is it?

Me: Well it appears to be an entire tree branch…

Model: Oh my. I took a topless jog through the forest earlier and it must have gotten stuck to me.

Me: I have that problem on all my topless jogs too. Once a bird nest got lodged in my cleavage and I had to raise the baby birds as my own until they were old enough to fly out.

Model: Really?

Me: No. But yesterday I dropped some tortilla chip crumbs in there, and I did feel slightly maternal toward them when I discovered them in my bra at the end of the day.

Model: That’s a really different situation.

Me: Yeah, I guess it is.

[HOWL by Maria Gluik]