The Moment You Knew You Could Never Screw Him Again (Illustrated In GIFs)
You can usually whittle it down to a specific moment. I’m talking about the moment when you know you can never, ever, ever fuck a guy again. It has little to do with emotion or intellect or how nice he is. It’s a mandate issued directly from your vagina. It’s visceral. Unarguable. And once she’s made up her mind, ne’er shall she be persuaded again. Quoth an anonymous friend, “He was laying naked on my bed and said to me in baby talk, ‘Come cuddle with me.’ And that was it.”
After the jump, some more horrifying MYKYCNSHA (moments you knew you could never screw him again) courtesy of the women who lived through them. Our condolences …
1. When he stuck the tip of his tongue out at me because I didn’t want to have another drink with him.
2. When I saw him in his transitions lenses for the first time.
3.When he texted to tell me I was one of two people he jerks off to.
4. When he needed an episode of “True Blood” explained to him.
5. When he made a pouty face and not even in a joking way.
6. When he looked over at me in bed and said, “You want a go for a ride?”
7. When he called me a “bitch” while we were fucking.
8. When he thought Machiavelli was just a Tupac album.
9. When he made me a salad using canned vegetables.
10. When he put on my short white fluffy bathrobe.
11. When he got into the shower with me while I was shaving my legs after only a week of dating.
12. When he vomited, sprayed my perfume in his mouth as breath freshener spray, and than expected to make out with me.
13. When he wrote a weird song about me, and then posted it on Facebook.
14. When he said, upon going to use the bathroom, “I have to go pee with my penis” and then referred to his penis as a “peenywhopper” because “his mom used to say that.”
15. When he popped a huge whitehead on his shoulder then rubbed the pus from it on my computer and laughed like it was the most hilarious thing ever.
16. When he took his shirt off and his whole torso was covered in heat rash.