“The Bachelor” Recap: The Final Three Get Whittled Down To Two…

Well, the journey is almost over. Last week, Bachelor Bronze visited the final four’s hometowns and sent sweet Des packing because he was totallys cared of her tattooed brother. This week, it’s time to get the romance on, as Sean and the final three travel to Thailand so Sean can bang all three women on the Fantasty Suite before choosing which two he wants to introduce to his parents. Wait, Sean doesn’t do that. I forgot he’s a born-again virgin. Maybe he’ll finger bang them? Let’s find out!

Lindsay gets to spend the day with Sean first. Sean really likes Lindsay because, he says, “she never seems to have a bad day.” Now, I don’t know about you, but I would consider this a red flag, like the person is putting on a show, or is not being completely open with me, or is maybe lacking in any sort of depth. Because everrrrryone has bad days. But Sean also clearly wants a woman who is super chipper all the time and is putting Lindsay on a bit pedestal from which she can only fall, because eventually she’s going to wake up on the wrong side of the bed or, I dunno, have PMS. But maybe she’ll have a smile on her face the whole time, who knows.

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Sure enough, Sean gives his final two roses to first Lindsay and then Catherine. AshLee doesn’t allow any emotion to show on her face, starring daggers at Sean until she finally walks past him and outside to where a car is waiting to take her to the airport for her flight of shame. Sean catches up with her and begs for her to listen to why he was sending her home. AshLee just stares at him, her face a blank slate. Then she turns and hops in the car. SO. BOSS. This is how you handle getting dumped on TV! Total ice queen. THIS MAN didn’t even get a hug goodbye. Let’s review this one more time, in GIF form.

BOOM. Anyway, with just Lindsay and Catherine remaining, I am more confused than ever about who Sean will choose. They’re both so … young? Silly? Of the two, Lindsay seems like a better fit, but maybe I’m just saying that because I think Catherine is too cool for Sean and I’m worried he’ll get her to remove her nose stud.