Dear Bernard Anderson Bey,
As a 32-year-old homeless man, I think you’ve sensed that it’s time to take stock of your life, take responsibility for your actions and get your shit together. That’s good! You took initiative. You came up with a plan — albeit a misguided one — to turn things around for yourself. In a lawsuit you filed from a laptop at the Brooklyn homeless shelter where you are currently staying, you sued your parents, demanding that they mortgage their share in the home part-owned by your father so your family can “break the bonds of poverty” by buying two Domino’s Pizza franchises. The $200,000 lawsuit blames your parents for leaving you homeless because they allegedly raised you and your siblings in poverty and didn’t love you enough. As a backup plan, you’ve enrolled in automotive trade school (which I think may be your best bet.)
Bernard, I’m proud of you for doing something. But the lawsuit might have been taking it too far. I think it’s clear that this lawsuit won’t end with pizza. Dominos is good. I had it the other night for the first time in forever and they really improved the crust! And OMG, cheesy bread! I get why you would want to own one. But the truth is, it’s time to stop blaming mom and dad. We all had fucked up things happen to us when we were kids. Some of us more than others. You can’t be surprised that your parents reacted unfavorably to news of the lawsuit.
“He’s 32 years old. That speaks for itself,” said your mother, Vickie Anderson. ”Welcome to America. Everyone in America has the same opportunity. Don’t blame the parents at this point. The choice is yours. You’re an adult.”
And your stepfather? Well, it wasn’t good. “He’s not related to me. He’s not my son,” he said. OUCH. That hurts.
I hate to say it, but your mom is right. Don’t blame your parents at this point. And your stepdad just sounds like an asshole. The best way to get back at him is to become a successful auto mechanic and buy your own damn Domino’s franchise. Also, have you tried therapy? Just a suggestion.
I’m rooting for you!
[Photo: NY Daily News]