I consider myself something of a connoisseur of ruining manicures. Super cheap salon manicures, at-home manicures, high-end spa manicures: no matter how I acquired my freshly painted nails, I’ve smeared, chipped, or smudged them all, often in record time (“Already?!” –every manicurist who’s had to ever had to repaint my thumbnail). Would you like to explore some new techniques to mess up your fresh, flawless mani? Here are 30 easy ways to ruin your manicure, all personally tested and approved by me…
1. Trying to get your wallet out of your purse.
2. Trying to get your money out of your wallet.
3. Trying to put your wallet back in your purse.
4. Signing your credit card receipt.
5. Gesturing enthusiastically about how much you love your new manicure and then hitting yourself in the head with your hand.
6. Bumping your fingers against the side of the UV manicure dryer thingy.
7. Opening the door of the nail salon.
8. Unbuttoning your pants to go to the bathroom.
9. Buttoning your pants after going to the bathroom.
10. Washing your hands after going to the bathroom.
11. Running into an old friend outside the nail salon and giving her a hug and getting your wet polish stuck in her hair.
12. Lightly touching your fingernail to see if the polish is dry (pro tip: IT IS NOT DRY YET).
13. Trying to take one of those claw hand Instagram photos of your manicure.
14. Changing the channel on your TV.
15. Spilling the bottle of nail polish on some really important documents and trying to clean it up as quickly as possible.
16. Petting your cat.
17. Petting your dog.
18. Flipping through a magazine.
19. Reaching into a bowl of mixed nuts.
20. Knocking your mug off the coffee table and catching it in midair and feeling like a total badass ninja til you realize you just ruined your manicure.
21. Texting your friend about some urgent gossip that just couldn’t wait.
22. Scratching your leg.
23. Giving someone a high five.
24. Trying to get a piece of food out of your teeth and accidentally eating a bunch of your wet nail polish and wondering if you’re gonna die.
25. Writing a triumphant Facebook update about your awesome manicure.
26. Using a q-tip dipped in nail polish remover to “touch up” the edges of your nails and just smearing the whole thing instead.
27. Grabbing a glass of wine.
28. Closing the bottle of nail polish.
29. Realizing you missed a spot and trying to open the bottle of nail polish.
30. Logging on to Pinterest to look up tips for how to not ruin your manicure–oh, wait, too late.
Email the author of this post at firstname.lastname@example.org.