Hi there. I hope everyone had a splendid Valentine’s Day. Mine was about as uneventful as it gets. A shout out to my mom for being the only person to wish me Happy V-Day! Woot woot! Don’t worry, you are not detecting a whiff of bitterness emanating from this gal. I had a perfectly fine February 14th. But I can’t say the same for everyone. Some peoples’ Valentine’s Day bombed. After the jump, I’ll leave it up to you to vote for who had the worst Valentine’s Day.
1. Melissa Cohn, the woman who had a “flash wedding” forced upon her on “Good Morning America.” Within a matter of moments, Melissa Cohn went from being proposed to on “Good Morning America” to being presented with four options for what to wear to her “flash wedding.” Within a half hour, Captain Arnold was pronouncing Melissa and her fiancé man and wife. I’m sure she was happy to be wed to new hubby Brian Bondy, but she couldn’t have been thrilled about being completely robbed of the opportunity to have any say about her wedding. Kind of tragic, no?
2. Dan, the man who got dumped by billboard. A woman named Laura rented a digital billboard at a garage in Manchester to tell her boyfriend Dan that she was leaving him for another man. It said: “Dan, I’m leaving you for Gary. Your clothes are at your mum’s & I’ve change the locks. Sorry to do this on Valentine’s Day. Laura.” Presuming that Dan did nothing horribly wrong to prompt this, dumping someone this way on Valentine’s Day is a supremely shitbird move.
3. The Thai couple who kissed for 46 hours and 24 minutes to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Ekkachai and Laksana Tiranarat were the winners of Thailand’s couples kissing contest. Not only did they win a cash prize for their efforts, they broke the Guinness World Record for the longest kiss, set by a couple in Germany in 2009. That still doesn’t change the fact that they spent all of Valentine’s Day kissing. Even while they were drinking and going to the bathroom. That doesn’t sound very romantical to me.
4. Orlando DeWitt, the man who got stabbed during a threesome for trying to change positions. Orlando DeWitt was out at a bar with Ashley Hunter, a man he had “formed a relationship [with while] in prison.” The pair brought home a woman named Leticia for a threesome. That’s when things took a turn. Leticia was orally servicing Hunter and DeWitt asked for his turn. Hunter did not like having his beej interrupted, and things turned violent. Hunter stabbed DeWitt with a 12-inch butcher knife. Technically this happened last week, but still, I’m thinking that Orlando DeWitt’s Valentine’s Day sucked.
5 You. I don’t know what awful fate might have befallen you on Valentine’s Day, but maybe you have a dog in the fight. Tell us about your V-Day awfulness in the comments and persuade us.
Cast your votes!