Worried that the fixed gear bike you’re riding and the artisanal honey you’ve spread on your organic spelt bread might mean that you’re a hipster? The bad news? Despite your protestations, you probably, definitely are a hipster (the first rule of Hipster Club is to deny you’d deign to be in it). But good news! You can fix it! The new drug Unprentiousil has been developed to offer you a new lease on life. So shed the heavy ironic chains of joke mustaches, microbreweries and that awful band Sleigh Bells. And even if you don’t want Unpreteniousil, you should get it anyway –just so you can say you had it before anyone else.