Why Did Nobody Tell Me About The Unicorn Ride Groupon?

Well, this blows. It’s just come to my attention that a special GroupOn was offered last summer in Mongolia, advertising discounted unicorn rides. If this doesn’t make you squee with joy and sing the theme to “The Last Unicorn,” I don’t want to know you.

The ad reads:

Unlike bigfoot, Santa Claus and the perfect men, unicorns really exist. Today’s Groupon offers full proof with a one-day unicorn-back riding from The Horse Whispers.

The ad goes onto explain that all unicorns will be “USA imported” and if you like, you can choose to ride the unicorn horseback style or enjoy it via a “magic pumpkin,” which appears to be a carriage built to “Cinderella”-style specifications.

But can I bring my kids? Yes! Unicorn riding is “suitable for all ages, sparkling stallions and magical mares return to starting points by sundown before galloping away into rainbows leading to fairytales and bank bags.”

But just be forewarned, “In the event of bad weather, unicorns will be replaced with party hat-wearing horses.”

Sadly, this GroupOn expired in July of last year. Which is doubly and triply disappointing, considering customers are encouraged to “combine Groupons for doublecorns or triplecorns.” But if you can make it to the Ulu Yam region of Mongolia, try tracking down the Horse Whisperers. But bring all your money, because even with the GroupOn discount, this is gonna run you about $2,911,212. [Groupon.My]