I’ve never actually written a review of anything on Amazon before, though I do admit they make good reading (check out How To Avoid Huge Ships or The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China for laffs). I recently came across a new hi-larious listing, this one for a toy Maisto Fresh Metal Tailwinds Unmanned Aerial Vehicle.
Yes, an aircraft drone for children.
If that strikes you as particularly prescient/weird/disturbing, you are not the only one. Check out a few of the amazing Amazon user reviews after the jump.
My son is very interested in joining the Imperial forces when he grows up. He says he’s not sure if he wants to help police the homeland or if he wants to invade foreign countries. So I thought a new Predator drone toy would be a nice gift for him. These drones are used both domestically and internationally, to spy on people and assassinate them at the Emperor’s discretion. He just loves flying his drone around our house, dropping Hellfire missiles on Scruffy, our dog. He kept saying that Scruffy was a terror suspect and needed to be taken out. I asked him if Scruffy should get a trial first, and he quoted Lindsay Graham, Imperial Senator: “Shut up Scruffy, you don’t get a trial!” I was so proud. I think I’ll buy him some video games that promote martial law for Christmas. ––Rambone
Still not sure? Read this:
A “Must Gift” for grandparents who feel a bit behind the curve. Here’s your chance to indoctrinate your pre-school grandchildren before the good nuns get to them with all that “love thy neighbor” stuff. They can practice spying on the whole street. The kids will know what is in trash cans BEFORE they get set out for pick up. Possibilities are limited only by their imaginations!––Earl Sharp
And if you’re really on the fence, check out this rousing recommendation:
With my son’s birthday fast approaching, I simply couldn’t fathom what to get him. Last year we had purchased for him the Home Waterboarding Kit and buying him the same present two years in a room just seemed wrong…fortunately I found this! I love to watch the maniacal gleam in his eye as he imagines seas of Pakistani women and children before him and screams ‘Death from above!’. It reminds me of all the joy I got from the My Lai Massacre playset I had as a child. Shock and awe!––miranda kokeny