• Entertainment

  • Video

“The Bachelor” Recap: Tierra Almost Freezes To Death & One Woman Is Sent Home Before The Rose Ceremony

"The Bachelor," Ep. 5
Tierra has gone from terrible to TIERRAFYING. Read More »
"The Bachelor," Ep. 4
Selma won't kiss Sean and Leslie gets a date fit for a hooker! Read More »
"The Bachelor," Ep. 3
A kissing record is broken! Read More »
She's Tierrafying!

Two episodes of “The Bachelor” in one week? Cat lady Christmas has come early this year! I’m not sure why ABC felt these two episodes were climactic enough to warrant back to back airings, but I’m not complaining. On Monday’s episode, Tierra The Tierrable established herself not only as this season’s villain, but its resident bunny boiler as well. So, was she any more Tierrafying in last night’s episode? Let’s find out!

Our lovelorn crew has been relocated to colder temperatures in Canada, where Catherine finds out she’s the recipient of the first (of two) one-on-one dates this week. Catherine and Sean have had good chemistry thus far and she’s managed to steer clear of all the drama in the house, earning her high marks in my book. But how will she handle a date on a glacier. Side note: every single date in the episode supports my ongoing theory that Sean’s real strategy this season is to put every woman in harm’s way and whoever makes it out alive at the very end wins the final rose. I imagine the finale will include a fight to the death over a fire pit or something. Picnicking on a cold ass icy glacier isn’t really my idea of a good time, but I prefer temperatures over 90 degrees.

The Frisky SIngle Video Player ‘No Auto Play’ (CORE)
No Changes are to be made to this player








Catherine takes it in stride and later, as she and Sean snuggle for warmth under a pile of blankets inside an cy house, she tells him her sob story. (Every girl has one, of course. It is required for this show.) When Catherine was 12, she went to camp. One day, she and a fellow camper went for a hike … and … This is where I expected the story to go in a completely different direction. I expected a kidnapping, or that maybe the girls got lost and had to live off the land for a month before they were found, but no. Catherine witnessed her friend be crushed by a falling tree and die on the spot. Tragic story, for sure. But her punchline left me cold. Apparently, seeing this at 12 made her realize what was important to her — having a partner and family — and it’s because of this experience that she’s on “The Bachelor.” She got a little choked up, too, which really made this story hit home for Sean, who obviously gave Catherine a rose. Not that you can send a woman home after she tells you about seeing her best friend get crushed to death.

The Frisky SIngle Video Player ‘No Auto Play’ (CORE)
No Changes are to be made to this player








The group date this week is even more outdoorsy. Sean probably can’t grow a beard, but he really wants to make it clear that he’s America’s blonde Paul Bunyon. He takes everyone but Catherine and Des (who’s getting the second one-on-one date) canoeing. (Lesley thought fast and scored herself a coveted slot in Sean’s boat.) Yes, including Sarah. I kept trying to find her in one of the boats to see how she was contributing to the activity but didn’t see anyone who wasn’t rowing. Maybe she was going at it one handed? Anyway, after the canoeing Sean convinces the women to take the Lake Louise Polar Bear Plunge, which basically involves jumping into the icy water. Like I said, Sean is trying to kill these women until only one remains. Only Selma opts to not take the plunge because appearing on TV in her bikini would not please her family. I think she just didn’t want to fuck up her hair. All of the women think this icy plunge business was the most amaaaaaazing experience everrrrrrrr, but I suspect their brains were popsicled. The only one who isn’t crowing about how amazing the dive was? Delicate flower Tierra, who is shaking so violently that medics are called in and she’s hoisted away in a helicopter.

The Frisky SIngle Video Player ‘No Auto Play’ (CORE)
No Changes are to be made to this player








We’re definitely supposed to believe that Tierra has hypothermia and I gotta admit her lips do look a little blue. My theory is that Tierra is the best kind of liar — she takes something that is true (that she fell, that she’s very cold) and milks every last drop out of it for attention. By believing the lie herself, her charade is all that much more believable to those who are watching. In this case, Sean. The other women are not quite as sure that Tierra was really as sick as she claimed, but they are sick of her using her various injuries to steal Sean’s attention. The oxygen tubes are a nice touch, Tierrable.

The best part about Tierra getting “hypothermia” is that she’s too sick to attend the evening portion of the group date. Or is she? Puh-lease, like Tierra would allow a little frostbite to stop her from seeing Sean! She shows up late to the date and snags more alone time with Sean and the look on the other women’s faces is priceless. “Oh shit” is right. These ladies need to step it up or she’s going to snatch Sean right from under their noses. Sean spends one-on-one time with a couple of the other women, including Lesley, who tells him “I love love,” and Sarah, who shows him photos of her family. I don’t know that this is a smooth move on Sarah’s part. Yes, “The Bachelor” courtship is swift, save the family show and tell for hometown week, if you make it there. Anyway, at the end of the night, despite Tierra’s surprise appearance, Sean gives the date rose to Lesley. Tierrafying is not amused.

The Frisky SIngle Video Player ‘No Auto Play’ (CORE)
No Changes are to be made to this player








But Sean isn’t done. There’s one woman he knows now that he hasn’t developed romantic feelings for, and instead of cruelly making her wait to go home until the next rose ceremony, he’s going to dump her on camera right now. I truly think Sean really believes he’s doing the kind thing here, but if I were going to be sent home, I would want it to be at the last possible second, so I could enjoy the free dates and food and champagne and travel for as long as possible. Alas, the woman Sean is totally over is poor Sarah. He tells her she’s very sweet and wonderful, but he’s just not feeling the romantic vibes. Sarah handles it like a champ, considering she’s just been caught seriously off guard. In her exit interview, she cries about how this always happens to her — men say she’s wonderful, but just not right for them. Ugh, I feel Sarah’s pain. I’ve been there too. We’re the “You’re awesome, but…” girls. It’s an annoying place to be. Solidarity, sister.

The Frisky SIngle Video Player ‘No Auto Play’ (CORE)
No Changes are to be made to this player








Des has the second one-on-one date with Sean this week and it’s a good thing, because she was starting to question her feelings for the Bronze Bach. Des has a very youthful looking face and demeanor, but she’s actually one of the more mature women in the group; I appreciate her skepticism and the fact that she expects Sean to impress her too. During the danger portion of their date, she and Sean repel down a mountain, which is of course  a metaphor for finding love or some other nonsense. Later, Sean escorts Des to a private ugly sweater party (by private I mean it’s just the two of them and he’s the only one wearing an ugly sweater) held in a delightfully racist-y teepee that I’m pretty sure was styled inside by Anthropologie. Sean asks Des to tell him more about her background and she, without pretense or a drop of self-pity, tells him about her very modest upbringing, which had she and her parents living for months at a time in tents or trailer parks. The show, of course, presented this as Des’s requisite sob story, but I don’t think Des presented it that way at all. Her childhood, while not financially well=off, sounds happy, proving you don’t need a lot money to be content or to raise a family. “The Bachelor” has almost solely featured women (and men) who come from upper middle class families, which is hardly a realistic representation of many Americans. I’m really hoping Des makes it to the final four because A) I think she’s a good match for Sean and B) it would be nice to see a normal smaller sized house for once during the hometown dates.

The Frisky SIngle Video Player ‘No Auto Play’ (CORE)
No Changes are to be made to this player








At the cocktail party, everyone scrambles for alone time with Sean. Selma takes Sean aside and asks him to shut his eyes. Because she skipped the icy plunge, she feels like she needs to bring out the big guns to impress him, and she doesn’t mean her rock hard tits. While his eyes are closed, Selma plants a very PG kiss on his lips. Hmm didn’t take her long to break her word not to kiss Sean till they’re monogamous huh? She hopes her mom forgives her. I hope she doesn’t get sent packing after backing down so quickly — and for such a weak smooch. Big guns my ass.

The Frisky SIngle Video Player ‘No Auto Play’ (CORE)
No Changes are to be made to this player








AshLee also has something up her sleeve. She knows she needs to let down her guard with Sean, but it’s hard for her to do, given her unwanted childhood (she was adopted, remember?). So she has Sean put a blindfold on her (???) and tells him she trusts him to take her wherever he wants to go. He carries her, fireman style, ugh, to a bench, where they makeout. This kiss feels different to AshLee because she really let her guard down. This makes me want to hurl, but I like AshLee so I’ll get over her weird 50 Shades Of Grey trust exercise.

Time to hand out the remaining roses! Des, Catherine, and Lesley already have roses, and the remaining roses go to … Lindsay, AshLee and … Tierra. Daniella — who never even got a single one-on-one date — and Selma — who brought shame upon her family for what again? — are sent home. I’m surprised and disappointed Selma didn’t make it farther, if only because her hometown would have been amaaaaaazing. Oh wellz.

Posted Under: , , , ,
  • Zergnet: Simply Irresistible

  • HowAboutWe

  • Popular