Dear Timothy Carr,
A lot of people drive drunk, but it takes a special kind of man (usually from Florida) to drive drunk inside. According to a report from Brooksville, Florida, you helped yourself to a cold one while inside a mega Walmart and were then caught driving your motorized cart erratically.
“The defendant did enter Walmart and select two packages of Daily Daiquiri and proceed to drink them in the store,” said the official police report. “The defendant was driving a Walmart owned electric cart. While driving the cart, the defendant knocked several items off the shelves causing damage to the items.”
Daiquiris? Well, you’re clearly rather cavalier when it comes to calorie counting.