I Have Unlocked The Secret To Food Network Success: Bleached Blonde Hair

Have you been catching those commercials for the new Food Network show “Chef Wanted”? The show stars chef Anne Burrell as a Gordon Ramsey-esque totalitarian attempting to whip a bunch of amateur chefs into shape. Will we watch it? Maybe, because who doesn’t love watching a bunch of grown ass adults be belittled by someone? That’s a foundational element to reality TV. But in the meantime, I believe I’ve unlocked the keys to the Food Network Kingdom: Blonde spikey hair. Consider, if you will, Burrell, along with Supreme Yeller Gordon Ramsey and Fire-themed Clothing Fanatic Guy Fieri. Too much of a coincidence for my brain.

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