What do you guys know about Scott Disick? I know that he is the most fascinating and, scarily enough, often the most logical specimen on “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” or any variation or spin-off thereof. I know that he refers to himself by the moniker of “Lord Disick,” a title he bought online. I know that a sophisticated older French girl I went to prep school with who never wore deodorant hung out with him at a club in the Hamptons (The Elm, if you must know), where he bragged about how he was using Kourtney for her money and didn’t give a shit about her and slept with other girls all the time. Which, like, I find so hard to believe. “Sentimental Scott” Disick? No way.
Anyway, I saw the greatest “Kourtney and Kim Take Miami” episode the other night, where Kourtney is pissed off because Scott is hanging out with all these lesbians, and then Kourtney squirts breast milk on Kim’s psoriasis. This really got me to thinking about what Scott actually does with his life. Who is he really, and where did he come from? I found myself needing answers that I couldn’t find on any Wikipedia page. Fortunately for me, Scott did a recent interview in Haute Living magazine (I’ve never read that magazine but I know that I hate it) where he dished on style, skincare, and “Seinfeld.” Here are a few things I learned…
- Scott spends his mornings deciding what he will wear and how to accessorize in accordance with his plans for the day. When he’s keeping it on the casual (which I gleaned from this article is properly abbreviated to “cazh”) side of things, he goes for a Rolex; for bigger events, it’s all about his Jacob & Co. diamond watches.
- Scott’s “morning routine,” which clearly features a lot of urgent decision-making, takes about two hours. A half hour of that is devoted to moisturizing head-to-toe with Créme de la Mer. It reminds him of home, because Scott, too, was sourced from the bottom of the sea. I wonder what about putting lotion on his body takes him half an hour. Nothing takes me half an hour.
- After three hours of “careful outfit, accessory, and vehicle coordination,” Scott does most of his work on the phone or from his home office anyway. What work? I really want to know what Lord Disick does for a living. Besides Kourtney, of course.
- Scott has dinner with his family every evening, then heads to the computer to do some online shopping. He browses for “luxurious items such as cars and watches and private planes and boats.” This sounds very much like the online shopping I do. Bottom line: Scott and I have a lot in common.