Sometimes I forget that my Twitter feed is followed by nearly 5,000 people. Not braggin’, just sayin’. So sometimes I post my very emo feelings (like the one above) or my deep thoughts about Essie’s Splash Of Grenadine nail polish, assuming only my closest girl friends are going to read it. And then I get @ replies from a bunch of strangers and think, Oh, dear.
I never know whether to use Twitter as solely a professional tool or an extension of my brain. It’s sorta both. I hate the idea of “personal branding,” but I also understand why it exists and is a good thing for some people. I just don’t think that my “personal brand” is anything too flashy: I’m honest, I’m real, I’m thoughtful, I’m nuanced … and more than a little occasionally, TMI.
Here are just a few types of tweets I invariably find myself regretting, with examples from the last month alone.
Tweets That Reveal What I Ate For Dinner
The two most dangerous words in the Spanish language are “queso fundido.” — Jessica Wakeman (@JessicaWakeman) January 18, 2013
So, I think I’m going to join a gym again.
Tweets That One Day Might Get Me Arrested
I see an adorable baby I want to kidnap. It’s going to be hard to wrench it out of that mommy’s Baby Bjorn, though. — January 13, 2013
Some day a joke tweet like this will be badly misinterpreted. I know it.
Passive Agressive Tweets
Is there a way to endorse someone on LinkedIn for “being snotty”? — January 12, 2013
But I still think LinkedIn should do this.
Tweets That Make Me Sound Like A 14-Year-Old Girl
Being excited about a boy makes it hard to sleep. — January 7, 2013
He was really cute, though.
“My Biological Clock Is Ticking” Tweets
I want a baby just soI can take a picture of Obama holding her.— December 28, 2012
Tick, tick, tick …
I Mentioned Emo Tweets Already, Right?
When other people reveal to you who they really are, it’s a blessing in disguise. — December 25, 2012
But for realz.
TMI Tweets About What’s Inside My Toilet
Not sure if this is food poisoning or the flu, but either way it is UNWELCOME. — December 22, 2012
It was food poisoning, by the way.
Sharing Fan Mail
‘This site should be called ‘Jezebel..5 days later.’” Oh, burn. — December 22, 2012
Now that’s just mean.
Bitter Tweets
I wish that you could hire @katenash to sing “Dick Head” to dudes like a breakup singing telegram. — December 20, 2012
Some people think “Your’e So Vain” or “You Oughta Know” are the world’s best breakup songs, but I maintain Kate Nash has it locked down.
Tweets About Spanx
Has anyone ever done a study on the long-term effects of Spanx on women’s internal organs? — December 17, 2012
Some things should just be kept private. Like Spanx bruises.
What tweets do you invariably regret posting on Twitter? Let us know in the comments!
Send tips and feedback to Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter, if this entire post has not scared you.
