Taylor Swift Is Writing A Song About Harry Styles Right Now

Taylor Swift and Harry Styles broke up, and you know what that means: Revenge. Single. And just in case you think we’re being melodramatic, check out the ominous tweet that Taylor posted yesterday. What caused the breakup? Well, if you believe this horrifyingly dumb article, the couple parted ways because Taylor is an asexual “Antiques Roadshow” addict and Harry is a cougar-chasing nymphomaniac. Obviously we won’t know the full thinly-veiled truth until Taylor releases the breakup song, but for now, let’s do some speculating, shall we? Read on for a few potential song titles and sample lyrics…

“We Are Probably Getting Back Together.”
Sample lyric: So he calls me up and he’s like, ‘I still love the publicity’ and I’m like, I’m just… this is exhausting. Let’s have a staged date at Disneyland on Saturday.

“I Knew You Were British.”
Sample lyric: Once upon a time/ a few dates ago/ I said ‘Hi’ and you said ”Allo!’/ You drank tea, you drank tea, you drank tea-ea-ea-ea!

“Public Love Story.”
Sample lyric: Harry please take me somewhere we can be alone/ but first get the paparazzi on the phone.

Sample lyric: And I don’t know how it gets weirder than this/ Your Twitter followers want me dead, I’m fearful/ And I don’t know if it’s worth it to tempt fate, I’m fearful.

Sample lyric: Loving him was plaid like I’ve never known/ all the oxfords and skinny jeans I own/ we always wore coordinating outfits to pose/ now what do I do with all these hipster clothes?

“What Made You Beautiful.”
Sample lyric: Harry you lit up my world like nobody else/ The way that you flipped your hair got me overwhelmed.