“Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”: Time To Get Your Scare On

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Here Comes Honey Boo Boo!
"The Fart Ghost farts mayonnaise!"

Gather ’round children and let me tell you a ghost story that will scare the ooo out of you. It’s about the Fart Ghost — a ghost that you smell before it scares you and it likes scaring people really bad. Sometimes the Fart Ghost farts … mayonnaise. BWAHAHAHAHA!

Oh yes, the return of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” was a scary one because it’s Halloween in McIntyre. So, we get to go deep into the Boo Boo’s psyches and find out what scares the ooo out of them (mayonnaise, frogs, ghost stories, getting pumpkins stuck on their heads) and how much they like candy. A GODDAMN LOT. Since we’re sharing here, my biggest fear is finding out that Mama June and I are actually the same person, which I’m starting to fear we are. We are the SAME AGE (still not over that), like to talk about farts and have a crippling fear of mayonnaise, or as Pumpkin calls it, “marannaise.” Holy crap. Some of my favorite frightening moments from the premiere after the jump.

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The takeaway from the redneck pumpkin patch: pumpkins can be wop-sided, just like Mama June’s stomach. Of course, June doesn’t think she’s wop-sided, she thinks she’s a hunk of beautimous curviness. Some things don’t change.

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And some things DO change, like June’s hair color. She wants to be a new, dramatic her, so she lets the girls bleach her hair blonde. Alana thinks the hair dye smells like booty boo, glue, feet and dirty mouth. That’s about right. Amazingly, June still has hair on hear head when they finish with her.

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When June debuts her blonde bombshell look everyone thinks she looks a mess. Except Sugar Bear, who’s inspired because ain’t got that in a while. June says her burnt biscuit is closed for business, but Sugar Bear thinks he can scrape the burnt parts off. Too much? Indeed.

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If I had a baby, I would most definitely dress it up as a cheese ball or something with a wig, not a hot dog. But that’s just me. After a fun day of costume shopping, Chubbs and Anna decide to go as the ketchup and mustard for Kaitlyn’s hot dog, Alana is a goth vampire and Sugar Bear is a bear. If Pumpkin weren’t in bed with an eye injury (Sugar Bear accidentally threw the car keys in her face), she surely would have gone as a biscuit. Even though June’s new hairdo is perfect for her Marilyn Monroe costume, as Anna says, “She looks like a napoleon ice cream” with her tan lines. So, she ends up going as something more modest: a mummy. Pumpkin stays home with her eye patch while the others go to the rich part of town to trick or treat for ass loads of candy and some dental floss, which will come in handy if they eat it all. The good times are here again.

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