Dear Roger Tullgren AKA The Guy Who Received Disability Benefits For His Heavy Metal Addiction,
A lot of people claim to lead a heavy metal lifestyle, but as far as I know, you’re the only one who has had three separate psychologists confirm that your obsession with heavy metal is actually a clinical addiction. After you were fired for skipping work to attend metal shows and blasting Black Sabbath all day, you got the Swedish government to help support your lifestyle. How? Well, you described it best: “I signed a form saying: ‘Roger feels compelled to show his heavy metal style. This puts him in a difficult situation on the labor market. Therefore he needs extra financial help.’”
Roger, even though you’re no longer receiving disability benefits, I feel compelled to tell you that I love your heavy metal style. Never change, OK? And if you ever need a date for a hardcore show, I’m pretty sure I have enough black eyeliner for both of us.