Woman With Big Tits Almost Motorboats World’s Luckiest Man To Death, He Claims

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You thought your breakup was bad: a German lawyer named Tim Schmidt has accused his ex-girlfriend of trying to smother him with her breasts during sex. She has been charged with “attempted murder with a weapon” … the weapon being her 38DD breasts.

According to Schmidt, “everything was great between us.” Then, while the couple was having sex in May, he claims she viciously tried to motorboat him to death because she’s jealous that he’s a lawyer. Yes, really. He said:

“[W]e were having sex … She was sitting on me naked and I was kissing her breasts. Suddenly she grabbed my head and pushed between her breasts with all of her force … I couldn’t breathe any more, I must have turned blue. I couldn’t tear myself free and I thought I was going to die.”

He then ran to a neighbor’s house and called the police.

The ex-girlfriend insists she wasn’t trying to murder her lover, but simply playing a “sex game” … called, um, motorboating. You know, that thing where your lover’s face goes between your tits? And usually there’s some jiggling back and forth? Usually no one turns blue and thinks they are going to die, though.

Of course, I can’t cosign using force during sex without the consent of your partner. But I also find it unlikely she was jealously trying to snuff out her lover with those dangerous weapons attached to her chest. Everyone knows if you want to fuck over a lawyer, you go off billable hours.

[Uproxx]

Contact the author of this post at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter.

[Photo: Thinkstock]

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