Apparently Gwyneth Paltrow Has Seven Sides And “Rock” Is One Of Them

Here are just a few of the many reasons I wake up every day pissed off that I’m not Margot Tenenbaum: child prodigy, award-winning author and playwright, perfect bob and the face to pull it off, mink coat, wooden finger, cold, haughty aloofness, perfect eyeliner application, marriage to Raleigh St. Clair, verboten romance with hot brother Richie, affair with Eli Cash. She is my dream girl insofar as in my dreams, I am her. But you know who I think is super, super lame? Like, the lamest? Gwyneth Paltrow! She is cripplingly lame. I can’t even reconcile her acting ability with her actual existence because I’m just like, oh my god, Goop, put your Margot clothes back on already for Christ’s sake.

Cosmetics brand Max Factor chose Goop as their spokesmodel and one by one they’re revealing the “seven sides of Gwyneth Paltrow” which, what? I believe that there is only one side of Gwyneth, and it is Goop. So Max Factor, stop trying to make “rock” Goop happen. It isn’t going to happen. Hey, remember that time Goop said the n-word on Twitter and caused a shitstorm so The-Dream said he Tweeted it from her phone but he didn’t actually? That was pretty funny. [Celebitchy]