We all love Taylor Swift, but man, girlfriend has been doing some batshit crazy things lately. All these boyfriends! And she falls in love in two seconds flat and then, because she’s mega rich, buys houses and stuff right next door to them. True story: I once accidentally saw Taylor Swift perform at an Apple store in, like, 2007. Nobody was there. I was trying to get my computer fixed, and she was just singing to three people. But anyway! Taylor is pretty, young, rich and famous. And as Ryan O’Connell writes on Thought Catalog:
Her career depends on her getting laid and having her heart broken. That’s what 99% of her songs are about. If we don’t know who she’s sleeping with, what else is there to really know about her? It’s practically her job to always be in love with someone.
And that could turn practically anyone batcrackers
So we’ve catalogued the year in crazy Taylor Swift girlfriend moves, for your pleasure.
1. Taylor Bought A House In The Town Where Ex Conor Kennedy Lives: Yes, sure, it’s totally normal to buy a house next to your boyfriend of three months. Kennedy and Swift split in October, but she’s still got that mansion, so I guess that’s a net win?
2. Also, she crashed a wedding, just to be with her dude: A Kennedy wedding, no less. In August, she crashed the wedding of Liam Kerr to Kyle Kennedy, the cousin of her boyfriend Conor. You know who was mega-unhappy about Taylor Swift crashing a wedding? Kyle Kennedy, who’d just been upstaged by a multi-platinum recording artist at her own friggin’ nuptials, no big deal.
3. She had her private jet pick up Conor Kennedy from school one day, because they’d spent a week apart. Swift had him flown to where she was staying in Nashville, after just weeks of dating. Hey, I get it, you want your man piece near.
4. She wrote that breakup song (presumably) about Jake Gyllenhaal. Is Taylor Swift the only one that wasn’t in on the fact that her romance with Gyllenhaal seemed like a promotional stunt? Whatever. She allegedly wrote the hit “We Are Never Getting Back Together” about her special times with Jake. There’s lots of digs about hating her boyfriend’s “indie bands” playlists and whatnot.
5. She’s supposedly buying new curly-haired man friend Harry Styles the Beatles. Like, all of them: Okay, how’s this for too much, too soon: After Harry brought her 23 cupcakes for her 23rd birthday, Swift-Boat wants to repay the kindness — by allegedly purchasing more than $100,000 worth of Beatles memorabilia for her new beau.
6. She wrote a song for a dude she’d never met before. Okay, so technically this happened last year, but she wrote a song for Owl City singer Adam Young, and hid his name in the lyric sheet of her album. Of the song, and Young, she said:
“It was about this guy that I met in New York City, and I had talked to him on email before, but I had never met him. And meeting him, it was just this overwhelming feeling of: I really hope that you’re not in love with somebody. And the whole entire way home, I just remember the glittery New York City buildings passing by and then just sitting there thinking, am I ever gonna talk to this person again? It was that feeling of pining away for a romance that may never even happen, but all you have is this hope that it could, and the fear that it never will.”
7. And then there’s the song “Dear John,” about ex-boyfriend John Mayer. Well Tay-Tay, did you really think dating John Mayer was going to end well?