I’m not the type of woman to Internet stalk. When I break up with someone, I immediately hide them from my Facebook newsfeed, unfollow them on Instagram and remove them from my Gchat friend list. I feel strongly about this because I know that continuing to follow someone on social media who I have feelings is self-destructive. I know it prevents me from moving forward with my life.
That being said, I have one exception to this rule: the awful ex-boyfriend whose Twitter feed I stalk. We dated on and off for many years, starting when I was in college. He treated me very badly. We never really broke up, he just kind of disappeared, so closure wasn’t an option for me.
My solution to healing this heartbreak, which was one of the most significant of my life, has been, surprisingly, to read his Twitter feed regularly. Why? Because it reminds me who this guy really is.
His Tweets make me feel a whole gamut of emotions.
Some make me sick that I ever cared about this person: A joke about him hiring a midget prostitute to blow him while he walks down the street.
Some just plain old disgust me: Several tweets about where, when and how he is taking a shit.
Or offend me: An off-color joke about Jewish girls and yeast infections, a dig at women who date online.
And others inspire pity: A Tweet that makes reference to him getting beat up and arrested.
And once I’ve sorted through all those emotions, there is something else: comfort. His Tweets are the marker of how much I’ve changed and how he is still exactly the same. His Twitter feed gives me a safe space I need to help me heal and forgive. For that reason, I will continue to stalk it for as long as it takes to make sense. Maybe forever.