America, This Is The State Of Dude Fashion In 2012

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Justin Bieber, Psy, Ed Sheeran and a Bieber lookalike by the name of Austin Mahone all attended the Hot 99.5 Jingle Ball in DC last night. And all were, predictably, dressed like total idiots. Although we give Bieber a few extra points for layering with a T-shirt adorned with cat faces, overall, we give the dude fashion for the night a resounding thumbs down. Maybe it’s because I’m 100 years old, but I don’t understand the Bieber tendency to dress as if you are actually 7-feet tall, in faux-distressed denim, kitted out with oversized hats and (pet peeve times a million) sunglasses indoors.

Check out the rest of the offenders after the jump…

This is Ed Sheeran. He is way bigger over in England, and managed to confuse virtually every American watching the closing ceremony of the London Olympics when he performed. The nation sighed a collective “Who the fuck is that ginger moppet?” He also managed to pen the extremely bizarre, negging One Direction hit “Little Things,” in which he tells a girl, “I love you more than you love yourself,” and comments on a girl’s backfat. Here he is, having clearly not run a comb through his gingery locks in some time. Ed. Please.

Look, I get that Psy is a gimmick performer, riding out this “Gangam Style” thing until our wrists collectively bleed from doing the stupid “Gangam Style” pony dance too many times. However. Is he wearing a Guy Fieri-inspired bowling shirt here? That would be some crazy synergy, because we imagine Psy’s music goes perfectly with the ambiance at Fieri’s new American Kitchen and Bar. In Times Square, natch.

This is an Austin Mahone. I believe his “music” is actually engineered to make your ears fall off if you’re older than 15. Also, this is the ensemble that might happen if Michael Jackson and Macauley Culkin had an outfit baby. Yeah, I went there.