4 (Other) Reasons Not To Hook Up At The Holiday Party

Just in time to shit on holiday hookup season, The Sun has a feature about the young, hot and hip, dressed in their Christmas best, who have a “dark secret.” “Although they look fresh and fabulous, each one of them [has had] a sexually transmitted infection,” the piece warns.

Womp womp. Just in case you were considering using the holiday season as an excuse to have a quick and dirty hookup, FORGET IT. As if the festivity of the Yuletide could make one forget that there were 427,000 new STI diagnosis in the UK last year. Not a chance, but thank you kindly for the reminder.

As long as you are an adult, which I’m presuming you are, you don’t need a reminder to use protection year-round. (Do you?) STIs are the least of your worries when it comes to hooking up this holiday season. After the jump, the actual reasons you might want to abstain from getting frisky at your next holiday party.

1. Because you know these people. You’re probably amongst co-workers, or friends, so chances are you’ll have to see these people again. Forever etched in their brains will be the image of you grinding some rando on the dance floor. All the worse if he’s a co-worker. Hooking up with a co-worker, in front of other co-workers, is very, very ill advised. Yes, you’re having a blast dancing to “I Wanna Sex You Up,” and you’re going with the moment, but think about it, after the moment passes, and the alcohol is out of your system, you’ll have to sit in meetings with this person. Think how awkward that will be if you know what his penis looks like.

2. Because everyone is messed up in the head during the holiday season. I don’t know a single person who feels normal over the holidays. Everyone is stressed, assessing their lives, feeling existential loneliness, hating their families, and broke from gift shopping. Times of stress are bad for casual hookups. In moments of vulnerability, you’re likely to catch feelings for someone who you would never catch feelings for under normal circumstances. A guy in a Santa hat. I call this the Santa Goggles Phenomenon. Wait until you are in a better state of mind and no one is wearing a hat.

3. Because you’re probably drunk. You know what that means. You’re  doing backflips off the couch. I say this from experience. My co-workers are still talking about that time at the Christmas party when I did a backflip. Thank god I had the presence of mind not to hook up with anyone. For your own sake, be merry, but wait until you can enjoy your hookup … and remember it the next day.

4. Because it’s a bad time to start a relationship. If you’re thinking it’s more than just a party hookup, and you like, actually want to date this person, why not wait until the timing is better? Like at the New Year’s Eve party, when you’re both back in town and ready to put the holiday season where it belongs: behind you.