OMFG! I’ve discovered the most worthwhile way to waste time EVER. Amelia informed me that a Tyra Banks Smize Yourself! app existed and of course, I purchased it immediately.
Basically, you line up your face in a cut out and then you smize into the camera while Tyra tells you how “fierce” you look. (I know this to be a blatant lie because I’m working from home today and and haven’t brushed my hair or put on any makeup.) Then Tyra’s tells you that she’s “cooking up your smize.” Then you wait and about 30 seconds later a bad picture of yourself is transformed into an even worse picture of you looking like some kind of deranged fucking alien that Tim Burton shat out.
I don’t know what making your forehead huge and your chin shrunken and your eyes bulging and your cheeks disappear has to do with smizing, or modeling, or anything at all, but these are seriously the most horrifying pictures of myself. And I love them. I’m laughing so hard, I’m peeing.
Once I got the hang of it, I started competing with myself to see how bad of a smize photo I could take, and then I texted them to Amelia to scare her. I think we have a winner!
This must explain that scary #MysteryOfTheSmize Twitpic Tyra posted a couple of weeks ago. Absolutely horrifying. But bringing me so much joy.