I try my very damnedest to be sex positive, but I think the hardest thing for me to wrap my mind around is asexuality. Thought to represent about one percent of the population, asexuals experience no sexual feelings for men, women or themselves. Some enjoy kissing and cuddling, while others prefer no physical intimacy whatsoever. No judgement at all, everyone should do whatever makes them happy, but I just can’t even fathom the concept. It’s like trying to imagine being blind if you’ve had sight your whole life. The Sun UK interviewed four asexual women who were kind enough to speak frankly about their lack of interest in sex. I’ve included some of their most fascinating sentiments after the jump. But still, I have so many more questions.
“I have never found anyone sexually attractive in my life. When I think of sex, all I feel is revulsion. The only way I could ever bring myself to have sex would be to make a baby. And then I know that I would have to detach myself and pretend it was happening to someone else. I have always felt like this … People also think there must be a trigger but I don’t think this is the case. Some people are simply born this way, and I am one of them.” — Sophie Zebeda, 23
“I describe myself as positively asexual … I have felt like this since I was a teenager. I had relationships with boys but when they tried to touch me intimately I would shy away. I had a complete lack of interest. It sounds silly but it’s like having a color you don’t like. I come from a liberal family and several times they asked me if I was a lesbian. I couldn’t find the words to explain that I didn’t want sex of any kind … I’ve never envisaged getting married and I don’t want my own biological children but I might adopt. I do find men attractive – I just don’t want to rip their clothes off.” — Gemma Gorinski, 26
“I am interested in personalities and enjoy kissing and the cuddling but do not want sex. It isn’t shyness or fear. I feel very calm – I just do not feel sexual arousal … Friends say: ‘Maybe you’re depressed.’ But I’m not. I just feel differently.” — Martha Petrochestou, 18
“People find it so hard to understand – the only way I can explain it is that if I am watching people having sex in a film, I feel a complete lack of interest – it is like watching people speaking in some foreign language … I never become aroused, or have a desire to masturbate. In the past I thought that maybe I had a medical problem – my GP tried to give me hormone treatment, which I refused, and I tried psycho-sexual therapy to see if that would make any difference … People seem to think I must have undergone some kind of trauma to be like this. Or that I haven’t found the right person. They can’t understand that when it comes to sex, I am numb inside … I had a very normal, happy childhood with tactile and affectionate parents. I have come to accept that this is simply the way that I am made – and there are a lot more of us out there than you could possibly imagine.” — Lisa Smith, 29