5 Possible Explanations For Why Prince Harry Doesn’t Have A Royal Love Child

Sure, I’m excited that Kate Middleton is pregnant with The Most Important Baby Ever. (More than “excited” — I screamed out loud, actually.) But as usual, I’m more interested in what’s been going on in Prince Harry’s royal drawers, not Prince William’s. 

C’mon. You would kinda expect to see “PRINCE HARRY LOVE CHILD!!!” spread across the cover of The National Enquirer after that whole gettin’-naked-in Vegas-thing happened. I can’t be the only one to wonder why we’ve never heard about some rich leggy blonde chickswelling with princely sperm. Here are some theories …

1. A stipulation in Harry’s inheritance prevents him from coming into his gobs of $$$ if he sires a “bastard.” It scares the sperm back up.

2. Prince Hot Ginge goes for a blowjob every time. And still pulls out. He’s that careful.

3. The palace is super skilled at covering up such transgressions. Hahahaha, just kidding cough Prince Charles and Camilla cough.

4. Butt sex. Obviously. Royal butt sex, though. It’s classier.

5. Those royal jewels are shooting blanks. Luckiest. Man. On. Earth.

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[Photo: Getty]