So, if the Facebook screenshot above is to be believed, someone decided to name their baby “Hashtag,” in honor of their obsession with Twitter (they’re also having some serious trouble spelling the word “weighs,” but that’s another story for another day). In honor of my constantly shrinking amount of faith in the world, I thought this news warranted a list of other internet terms that should absolutely not be used as human names. Hear me, expectant parents? You can cross the following words and phrases off your potential name list right now…
1. Reblog. Great for sharing pictures of Tom Hardy. Terrible for naming your baby.
2. Like Button. What if your child would prefer to leave validating comments instead of liking things? Don’t box them in!
3. @. It might seem like a cute little name, but you need only add #, and !, and a capital F, and suddenly it’s profane.
4. Instagram. ‘Gram for short could almost be acceptable. But yeah, no.
5. Pinterest Board. Just like the real Pinterest, this name would set your child up for failure to live up to impossible expectations.
6. Share. I know, I know, it’s like the 2012 version of “Cher.” Except for it’s not.
7. Retweet. Let’s just rule out anything Twitter-related, shall we?
8. Viral. OK, connotations aside, this actually kind of sounds like a sophisticated latin name, like “Virgil.” But we all know it’s impossible to remove the connotations from a word that can be used to describe both rhinovirus and “Gangnam Style.”
9. Twitpic. Seriously? The word “twit” is right there in the name. Try not to make things easier for the schoolyard bullies.
10. Spotify. It might be less hip, but if you really want to name your kid after an internet music streaming service, Pandora would be a much lovelier choice.