The 8 Best/Worst Moments From “Liz & Dick”

"Liz & Dick" Trailer
Lifetime's trailer for "Liz & Dick" is finally here! Read More »
Lindsay's TV Movie
Lindsay Lohan won the Elizabeth Taylor role for a Lifetime TV movie. Read More »
Lindsay As Liz Taylor
Look at that hair! Lindsay Lohan pulls off 80's-era Liz Taylor. Read More »

So, did everyone watch Lifetime’s sure-to-be-a-classic original movie “Liz & Dick,” starring Lindsay Lohan as Dame Elizabeth Taylor and Grant Bowler as Richard Burton, last night? I did. In fact, I watched it twice, it was that horrifically yet entertainingly bad. Where to begin? Lindsay Lohan’s performance was abominable. It was like she didn’t even try to channel Elizabeth Taylor in the slightest, she just showed up to read some lines in between smoke breaks. She could only maintain Elizabeth’s British accent for half sentences at most, and instead of delivering her lines with Taylor’s trademark bravado, Lohan sounded like she was casually shooting the shit with her weed dealer. Now, the hair and makeup were fabulous, but I could never get past the fact that 26-year-old Lohan was supposed to be playing late-20s/early-30s Liz for most of the film, but that she seemed so much older, thanks to her worn-out raspy voice. Really, the film was unofficially sponsored by Marlboro Reds. Lohan was at her most convincing in the last few moments of the movie, playing ’80s era Liz, which I hope prompts Lifetime to do a sequel called “Liz & Larry,” about Taylor’s relationship with Larry Fortensky.

For the record, the plot could be summed up as follows: Liz and Dick fall in love, Liz and Dick fight, Liz throws a vase at the wall and takes some pills, Liz and Dick make up, Liz and Dick fight again, Liz throws a vase at a wall again, Liz and Dick make up, etc. etc. These scenes are broken up with lovely moments where Liz and Dick talk to the audience from beyonnnnnd the graaaaave — i.e. wearing all black, sitting in director’s chairs and smoking cigs — giving us their “perspective” on what drew them to each other. Spoiler alert: you will not understand a thing about either of these two iconic actors by the end of this film.

For those of you who didn’t get a chance to watch the movie, allow me to review — with clips! — the movie’s best/worst moments.

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1. Liz and Dick meet on the set of Cleopatra.

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2. Dick recites poetry to Liz in the bathtub and they make sweet, sweet love.

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3. Liz takes a whole mess of pills because she is sad that Richard says he can’t be with her.

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4. Liz is bored, so bored.

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5. Liz does a lot of drinking and wearing fur hats.

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6. Liz and Dick watch themselves in “Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?” and Liz is sad that the press has started calling her “Cleo-fat-ra.”

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7. Dick is mean and says Liz has pudgey fingers.

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8. Liz finds out Dick has died and she visits his grave.

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