4 Reasons Why I Am Moving To The UK For Their Reality Television

Disclaimer: I am going to be writing about my recent trip to Paris and London A LOT over the next week or so. I know that it can be annoying when a person brags about their AMAZING vacation because you’re like “Fuck off, I am trapped at my cubicle and don’t give a shit about your vacation,” so I apologize in advance for this and hope that you can find it in your heart not to hate me.

OK, so now that we got that out of the way … from Paris, I hopped the chunnel and spent 28 hours in London to visit a friend who had just moved there. In that time, I was able to: eat at Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay’s restaurants, go to an art gallery opening, shop, have high tea at some posh place in Mayfair, walk through most of the city, and most importantly, watch British television.

All this time, I didn’t realize that nearly every reality TV show I watch pales in comparison to what the Brits are getting served up on their tubes. I mean, I’ve caught a couple of UK shows  on Netflix or Hulu and thoroughly enjoyed them. People, I am upset. Disgruntled. I feel cheated. Andy Cohen, enough of “The Real Housewives,” time to step up your game, buddy, or I am moving to London. Below, the TV shows that blew my mind during my brief stay:

1. “My Sex Robot.” HOLY SHIT! I knew about this documentary, which explores the world of sex robots or fembots — the people who make them and the people who ‘love” them — but watching it live was a whole different thing. There are a plethora of unbelievable moments in the program and you can read more about them here, but I think my favorite was when this guy takes his REAL girlfriend to a sex hypnotist to have her learn to behave more like a robot in bed. HORRIFYING.

2. “The Town That Caught Tourettes.” This documentary explores that case of mass hysteria, more commonly known as “mass pathogenic illness,” in upstate New York last year where a group of 20 girls inexplicably started to display tourettes-like symptoms. I had read about this when it came out in the news, but the TV special went so much deeper. There were different theories brought to the table: an unknown virus or infection, personal trauma in each of the girls’ lives that brought on the symptoms, something in the food or water supply (that Erin Brockovich herself came to investigate) and, unpopular with their parents, that the girls were faking it. Ultimately, the results were inconclusive, although some girls responded to antibiotics. Fascinating.

3. “The Undatables.” This one was by far my favorite. It’s a series that follows people with disorders, impairments or disfigurements in their quest for love. It made me feel like a loser for ever complaining about how hard it is to find a decent guy or how unbearable online dating is. Note to self: don’t complain again. The show was heart-warming in a completely non-exploitative way and I loved it.

4. “The Curious Case Of The Clark Brothers.” OK. I didn’t get to see this one, only the preview. But it was enough to make me cancel my ticket home and stay in London for another week. This documentary is about two brothers who are aging backwards ala Benjamin Button. I will not sleep until I get an explanation! Tell my why!