You guys, I’m so glad you liked my first installment of relationship advice! That’s good, because I have a buttload more advice to share. Basically, even though I am generally a wreck and mess up on the daily, I hope you find these words of wisdom helpful. And don’t forget to share your favorite advice in the comments!
1. You Can’t Date Potential: Sometimes girls have a habit of trying to predict the future and imagine what a guy might be like if he was just a little different or better or more self-aware. But you can’t date a future maybe-person. You have to date the one that’s in front of you, and you’re either okay with that person or you’re not.
2. People Can Change — But Only If They Want To: You can’t force someone else to change. You can’t will them into changing. The power to make progress or different in ones life is only truly effective if it comes from within. Which doesn’t mean that you or I won’t waste our time wondering why they couldn’t be different — because God knows I’ve done that.
3. Relationships Are 99 Percent Timing: Are you in the right place? Are they in the right place? If not, even if every single other thing about somebody is wonderful and amazing, it’s not going to work out. Both people have to be ready for a relationship or else it’s not going to happen. Which is why, again, you shouldn’t necessarily take rejection personally. This isn’t about you — it’s about a zillion factors that are completely and totally out of your control.
4. Determine If You’re Hurt Or Your Ego Is: Some dude (or lady) broke up with you. It sucks and feels like crap. You’re upset. Or are you? Figure out if you’re really upset, or if your ego is simply butthurt that you’ve been rejected. Once you can understand and separate your ego from yourself, you’ll have a much easier time getting over the actual sadness you feel about a break up.
5. It Won’t Always Feel Like This: It won’t always be good. But it also won’t always be bad. Another way of saying this is something a dear friend once told me: The biggest mistake you can make is thinking that the impermanent is permanent. This goes double when it comes to feeling shitty about a breakup. You’re going to feel different than you do six days from now, six weeks from now, and certainly six months from now. Take solace in the fact that change is constant and all-consuming, and the future contains a powerful uncertainty that’s determined in large part by how you allow yourself to accept it.