Be My Boyfriend: The Great Panty Caper

Dear Danai Raiwech (aka The Great Panty Caper),

Hi. How are you? You probably feel like shit right now, on bail, waiting to be charged for your involvement in nearly a half a million dollar jewelry heist. But stealing jewelry is not your life’s passion. Your life’s passion is stealing women’s underwear.

When the Bangkok police searched your home for the stolen jewelry, they found your secret shame — a collection of more than 5,000 pairs of panties that you admitted to stealing from houses or apartments over the last 30 years, snce you were 18. That’s a hard-earned collection, Danai. That’s dedication! I admire that.

Your wife told the cops that she had only recently become aware of your “problem” but that you had refused to see a doctor.

What I want to tell you Danai, is that there is no problem … besides the fact that you’re a thief. So, you have a panty fetish, so what? I don’t know how things are in Thailand, but here in the U.S., panty fetishes are not such an uncommon thing. If you had only stuck to collecting undies and hadn’t stolen them, or other more valuable things, you wouldn’t be in such a pickle.

I wonder what will happen to your elaborate panty collection now?

Take care,

Ami Angelowicz