7 Possible “Real Housewives Of New Jersey” Storylines For The Return Of Danielle Staub

Oh, happy day! Although Andy Cohen denies it, according to an anonymous source at InTouch Weekly, Danielle Staub, my favorite “Real Housewives” cast member of all time, is coming back to the show.

“Bravo has offered Danielle a contract. Danielle is contemplating whether this will be full-time or part-time … She will be filming several episodes … The producers squeezed all the juice they could from the Giudices-versus-Gorgas story line and had to think of a fresh outlet for drama. Having her back on will ruffle a lot of feathers!”

I don’t really care if it’s true or not. I’ve already gone off on a total storyline dreamscape. After the jump, my ideas for the return of the Staub, since we all know the show is more or less scripted anyway. 1. We discover that Staub has become close friends with Melissa and Joe Gorga, AND there is a sex tape released of them having a threesome feat Staub’s new and improved boobs! Guess who leaked the tape? Oh, hmmm, maybe it was Teresa Giudice.

2. Juicy Joe is cheating on Teresa with Danielle Staub. We find out that’s who he was on the phone with in Napa. GASP! Now she really has a reason to call her a prostitution whore.

3. In a strange turn of events, Danielle Staub plays mediator to Dina and Caroline Manzo. Caroline apologizes for calling her “trash” and Dina gives her an aura balancing crystal bracelet and everyone hugs, love and light and all that.

4. Staub’s daughter, Jillian, records a version of “We Are Sisters” featuring Gia Giudice. Teresa is fuming mad that Gia betrayed her and that Melissa Gorga let them record the song in basement recording studio. Tables will be flipped, people.

5. Staub starts a line of weaves that can’t be ripped off your head. She collaborates with “RHOA” star, Kim Zolciak. They open a store front in Jersey called “Shh! It’s A Wig.” Wait. Wrong show.

6. There’s a new strip club in town. Guess who the owner/ lead dancer is? Danielle Staub! Joe Gorga will be working there on gay night, wearing the elephant thongs.

7. We find out that “So Close to You,” Danielle’s “skin suit” anthem was secretly written for Kim Depaola because before they hated each other … they were a couple.

That’s what I’ve got. Any other possibilities?