Dear Number 49,
Congrats on making it to the Super Heavyweight finals at the Arnold Classic Europe in Madrid this weekend! That’s awesome! I’m sorry that you didn’t win, but still, you were the star of the show. I wish I could say you were getting attention for all your hard work and dedication to the sport of bodybuilding. I cannot. Number 49, people are talking smack about your two-tone tan. It looks like you forgot to slather fake tanner on your face.
Your tanning “fail” begs the question: why go through all that trouble of fake tanning every nook and cranny only to forget your face? There’s only one reason. I’d like to think that you did it on purpose. To point out the inherent ridiculousness of the practice. It’s weird, right? I understand that being tan shows off muscle definition but do you need to be that tan? I’m choosing to think of you not as a man who made a tanning gaffe, but as a man who made a statement. I can see it written all over you face. Good for you, Number 49!
Once you’ve showered that varnish off the rest of you, give me a call if Tanning Mom hasn’t gotten to you first.