Dear Sean Payne,
You may not be sober enough to read this yet. You’re probably sleeping right now. I hope so. It’s been a rough 24 hours for you. When you get arrested for public intoxication and you’re too drunk to hold your own head up for a mugshot and a cop has to do it for you, that’s really embarrassing. When the whole internet knows about it, that’s shame-inducing.
I just wanted to let you know that I get it. It’s hard to give good face when you’re that intoxicated. I usually look like a crazy person in drunk photos. Let’s just say that there are a few photos that would make me wanna die if the world saw them. I mean, none of them are mugshots or anything … luckily.
Learning to pose while filthy drunk is hard, but it’s a skill that all avid drinkers must master if they wish to continue drinking avidly. I was never able to master it, so I just cut back on my drinking, you dig? Just a thought for you, Sean.