We did you a favor and watched the Hulk Hogan sex tape so you don’t have to. It is indeed as cringeworthy as it sounds. We’re all contemplating gouging our eyes out. Here are worst things about it: first, that Hulk Hogan is naked. But also, that the alleged woman in the tape is Heather Clem (the ex-wife of his best friend Bubba the Love Sponge who appears to be in the house while all this is happening WHAT?), that Brooke Hogan’s song is the ring tone on his phone and that it rings while he’s in the middle of bizness, that he tells a story about his son’s girlfriend propositioning him for sex, that he keeps referring to himself as a pig because he just ate so much and last but not least, he says “you’re awesome” as he walks out the door. That’s all you really need to know. Never again shall we speak of it.
Final thoughts on the sex tape: why couldn’t it have been Ryan Lochte instead? We would have rather watched him having one of his one-night-stands, screaming out “Jeah!” during orgasm. It hardly ever works that way though, does it?
Click onward for more of the most disturbing sex tapes to ever burn our retinas and the ones we wish we’d seen instead. [DListed]