“Gallery Girls” Recap: Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

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Amelia and Greg Debrief On "Gallery Girls"

The time is nigh to say farewell to the gods and monsters of “Gallery Girls.” But first! The season finale (check out Amelia and Greg from HyperVocal‘s Skype recap above as well). Imagine this recap to the International Graduation Song of 1996 –”It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye” by BoyzIIMen.

Sadly, annoyingly, our final episode is marred by Maggie drama. Maggie meets up with Amy to apologize for being kind of a See You Next Tuesday to her. Now that she and Liz have had a falling out — over the debaucherous man-strosity that is Maggie’s boyfriend and his friends — Maggie is reconsidering what she’s heard about Amy. Amy breaks down in tears as Maggie says what a nice person she is. It’s cute, but come on — the rule is that a friendship that’s established in Act I will be mercilessly killed in Act III.

At the misery factory that is End of Century, Claudia, Chantal and their business partner Lara are discussing money again. Chantal got “stuck” in Paris with some kind of life threatening lung infection and/or a wine and brie bender, which left Claudia and Lara to run the biz by themselves. Somehow, still, Chantal and Lara don’t get why Claudia might be a tad bit concerned about the finances. Instead, they reapply lipstick and summon their demon forces. Which, oh hey, the EOC girls were interviewed by Fashionista in the most non-revealing interview ever. Where were the questions like “Chantal, what sort of prayers to Satan do you make at bedtime?” or “Chantal, approximately how many cats have you killed in your lifetime”?

Anyways, all this crap is really stressing Claudia out, so she meets up with Angela (please imagine I’m typing this in the voice of Tony Danza on “Who’s the Boss?”) to vent. But first, Angela tells Claudia that she’s celebrating because today she finally purchased the Givenchy bag she’s been saving up for all year. “I’m like a real adult now. I have a real adult bag,” she muppets. But hello, if that’s your marker for adulthood you are clearly not an adult.

Claudia is in the mood to freak the fuck out, and she says some wildly not very nice things:

The Frisky SIngle Video Player ‘No Auto Play’ (CORE)
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Next, we return to stupid Maggie. Maggie is an idiot because she believes she has a job that she doesn’t really have. She tells everyone she has the job with the Bernarducci Meisel Gallery when in fact, she doesn’t. She even quits her unpaid slave laborship at Eli Klein, presuming she’s got a job she doesn’t. Say it with me now: When you assume, you make an ass out of you, Maggie. Still, this means we have to say a tearful goodbye to gross, corrupt, manipulative Eli Klein. Goodbye, Eli! Miss you never!

The Frisky SIngle Video Player ‘No Auto Play’ (CORE)
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Angela tells Chantal pretty much everything Claudia’s said about her, because of course. Chantal pretends to have real human emotions about it — and even allows her robot eyes to well up in tears a bit. Claudia, pathological was too nice of a word; this bitch is a sociopath. A couple days later, Claudia and Chantal have a sit down at Chantal’s ridiculous apartment (is she killing her victims and then living amongst their things, because that place is too nice). Chantal confronts Claudia in like, the mossssssssst manipulative few minutes of TV ever. I mean, am I seeing something that everyone else isn’t, or is Chantal the biggest asshole ever?








We check in with Amy, and she’s searching for a new job. Wonder of wonders, she secures an interview with the Bernarducci Meisel Gallery. She totally aces it, and they love her. She has, like, 5,000 more charisma points than Maggie, and it’s no wonder they want to hire her on the spot. And now to break the news to Maggie…

Gallery owner Frank Bernaducci calls Maggie in, and pretty much lays it down. “It was mostly due to a certain lack of enthusiasm on your part. I think you have a lot to offer, but I don’t even know if you’re even interested in working in the art world.” Whoops! Maggie is floored. Floored enough to rejigger her meds so she doesn’t seem like a hair-touching zombie? Only time will tell.

We leave “Gallery Girls” in perhaps the most appropriate way: In tears. Maggie is crying in the cab on the way home the way we all are after watching a season of this crap: it’s not a pretty cry, but neither are these bitches.

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