The New York Times‘ Style Section inhabits a parallel universe in which wearing dresses during the hot summer months spawns a “trend piece.” For what’s supposed to be the most stylish, fashionable section of the newspaper, they’re delightfully behind the times on, oh, everything. So it is with an ugh in my chest that I read how they’ve turned their keen eye to what College Kids These Days are up to, namely checking into bars on FourSquare.
The Times checked in with several private colleges around the country with vibrant drinking scenes to find out what their most obnoxious upper-middle-class undergrads are doing. No ramen noodles here! The piece introduces us to a 21-year-old woman “fiddling with her orange Hermés bracelet” at a Cornell bar, female Gettysburg students who pregame with champagne, and ladies who order outfits off Rent The Runway because posting pics on Facebook and Twitter “makes wearing anything more than twice taboo.” I’m sorry, but who are these people? The real life cast of “Gossip Girl”? I remember free pizza at campus events being the goddamn highlight of the week. [For me, it was $3 pitcher night at the Avenue dive bar in "downtown" Santa Cruz. -- Editor]
Some of these shenanigans are as timeless as the ramen noodles some of us subsisted on back in the day: pre-gaming, various local permutations of Jungle Juice recipes, women in “four-inch heels.” But the Times‘ modern angle is how College Kids These Days document their partying on social media (necessitating the aforementioned Rent The Runway rentals) and — get this — use texting and Facebook to plan their evenings out. Will wonders never cease! It’s like someone mashed together a “college kids drinking trend piece” with a “social media trend piece” and sprinkled some douchey dust on top just for fun.
That sound you hear is either Hermés girl upchucking her champagne in line for the ladies’ room (but not before checking in on FourSquare, natch) or … um … me.
But hey, they better enjoy drinking on Mommy and Daddy’s dime while it lasts. Because if you move to the big city after graduation you’re going to have to pony up for a $12 cocktail. Or, you know, get into butt chugging.