“Gallery Girls” Recap: Art Basel Dreams And Champagne Nightmares

By: Julie Gerstein / September 25, 2012

The nightmare calvary rolls on with the latest installment of “Gallery Girls.” This week is part two of the girls’ decimation of Art Basel Miami, an art scene wankfest set amongst the palm trees and poolsides of Florida. Above, Amelia and Greg from Hyper Vocal discuss their reactions to the episode, which I shall recap in full (with clips!) after the jump! So much “Gallery Girls,” no soulless moment left unanalyzed.

The hipster triumvirate of Golem Chantal (GC for short), Claudia and Angela are “juxtaposing” themselves poolside to discuss the pop up show they’ve decided to do with Upper East Side trainwreck Amy. Chantal really doesn’t want to do it, and like that psychotic girl you were friends with in drama club, is actively hoping the event will fail. Chantal is the best friend I hope I never have.

Amy rings up the girls to let them know that getting fired from Sharon Hurowitz for being kind of a tool won’t stop her from steamrolling through her plans to have a splashy event at the art fair. So she’s invested $2,000 of her own her dad’s money to make the hipsters happy. Silly Amy! Hipsters are never happy!

Later on, Chantal, Claudia, Liz and Maggie are all conveniently at the Rubbell collection space, checking out some awful Damian Hirsts and whatnot. The tension between Liz and Claudia and Chantal is palpable, so Liz decides to be the bigger bitch and invite the two out to her friend’s nightclub. There will be bottle service which the hipsters deride because obviously getting free drinks is terrible.

Meanwhile, noted Asiaphile Spencer has decided at the last minute to come down to Art Basel because he is mega insecure about Chantal flirting with other dudes. They have one of those conversations that girls have with boys that they’re considering dumping all the time, where she seems completely annoyed that he exists. I mean, the dude is annoying, but Chantal, because she is crazy, openly admits that she loves to torture him. Of course you do, Chantal, because you also enjoy pulling the wings off of flies and setting small fires in office trash cans.

At club Mokai, Liz once again impresses by directly confronting Chantal and Claudia about their shitty behavior. I know exactly what’s going on here — Liz’s seedy past is mega confusing to the hipster girls, because they can’t figure out how to easily judge/compartmentalize her, so they’re intimidated. Liz is able to coax a sort-of apology out of them (“We’re sorry we made you feel that way”). But then the real fun begins, because Maggie’s boyfriend Ryan and his friends start acting like it’s Spring Break in Cabo. Liz, to her credit, wants nothing to do with them, and is concerned about properly tipping the waitress. Ryan’s friend Bobby passes out in the club, and is kicked out and creates a major scene, not unlike our reality TV frayuns on “Jersey Shore” might.

The next day, Liz is really pissed off — and Maggie doesn’t seem to understand why she’s so angry. Maggie is completely clueless that Liz put her reputation on the line so Maggie and her friends could have fun at her friend’s club. Maggie apologizes but really doesn’t get it.

It’s the night of the End of Century pop up (which, by the way, they totally stole that name from Peggy Guggenheim, but whatevs). Amy goes out of her way to create a beautiful event space for the Brooklyn bitches and promises traffic will come through. But when the turnout is less than stellar, the girls are unimpressed. Of course, rather than actually try and get out in the streets and lure people in to the club, they sit around and complain. And Amy ends up trying to bring in a crowd. So. Typical.

The next day, Liz and Maggie and their respective hairy dudes meet up. Maggie has no idea that trees exist in New York. Is she touched or just drunk all the time? Liz is still fuming from the disaster of a night the other night.

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It’s a not so charmed life for Amy, who, hot on the heels of her pop up show, is called into a meeting with her father — you know, the one who’s been bankrolling her entire life? He tells her the apartment she’s been living in rent-free has been sold and she’ll need to find somewhere else to live. In two weeks. This seems a little contrived because hello, you’d give your kid more time than that. Nevertheless it sends poor Amy into a tailspin. Incidentally, this is when I realized that Amy and Lena Dunham have the same face, not to mention, as Amelia and Greg point out, this conversation is basically the first episode of “Girls.”

Back in ye olde New York, Claudia receives a service termination notice from Con Ed, that says her service will be shut off if she doesn’t pay the $205 End of Century owes. She does what I have done many times before when I am emotionally and financially ill-equipped to handle the reality of being an adult — she calls her mom. But rather than just fork over the money to her, her mom says she has to work harder. Claudia does the same thing I do when I don’t get the answer I’m hoping for from my parents and totally disassociates and stops listening to the advice her mom is giving her. I get it.

Incidentally, her family is obviously from Minnesota, but a friend of mine says Claudia one time claimed she was from Brazil. Because she’s batcrackers!

Next week: The end is nigh! The season finale of “Horrible Jackals With Art Pretensions.”