7 Signs That You’re The One Who’s Emotionally Unavailable

After years of unsuccessful attempts at dating, you’ve finally isolated your problem: unavailable men. If only you could find a guy who wasn’t a total commitmentphobe, you’d be in the relationship you’ve always desired. So the solution then, is simple: stop dating unavailable men.

Or maybe it’s not that easy. Perhaps you’ve heard the theory tossed around that if you’re attracted to unavailable people, that’s a sign that you’re unavailable, too. But surely this can’t apply to you. After all, you want to be a relationship. You’re not the one who’s afraid of making more than one plan a week with your significant other or declaring your relationship status via Facebook—it’s the guys you date who can’t even commit to texting with consistency.

But there’s actually something to this theory. The common denominator of all those guys who wouldn’t introduce you as their girlfriend, didn’t want you to meet their families, and couldn’t sleep over at your place without breaking into hives is YOU. Whether you like it or not, the people you’re attracted to can give you insight into where you really are (as opposed to where you think you are or where you want to be) on the emotional availability continuum.

There’s no way around it—the only way to stop being attracted to unavailable men is to work on becoming more available yourself. And the only way to start becoming more available is to recognize if you’re not. Click through for some telltale signs that might help you out.

Jennifer Garam is a Brooklyn-based blogger, freelance writer, and teacher who writes the blogs One Writeous Chick and NotSoZen YogaJen. You can follow her on Twitter at @writeouschick.