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Dear Prudence Counsels Woman Whose Boyfriend Won’t Stop Licking Her Face

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slurp, slurp
man licking woman's face

A few weeks ago, I had to have an awkward conversation with O’Boyfriend about appropriate versus inappropriate times to grab my butt, or as the Irish call it, my “bum.”

“I like it when you grab my butt in bed, cuddling or playful moments that feels like foreplay,” I told him. “I don’t like it when you do it at completely unsexy moments, like when I’m covering up a pimple or flossing my teeth. Then it’s just weird and awkward and annoying.”

He seemed to get the point. Playful bum-grabbing: good. Annoying bum-grabbing: bad.

If only this poor woman who wrote Dear Prudence about her boyfriend’s face-licking problem was as lucky!

The anonymous woman wrote:

My boyfriend of six months has an annoying habit. Every now and then, when I least expect it, he will lick my face. Mostly it’s when he leans over as I’m expecting a goodbye peck on the cheek. Sometimes randomly when we sit together eating lunch. The first couple of times I thought he was trying to be cute and laughed it off. When he did it the third or fourth time I told him it was annoying and asked him to stop. He thinks it’s a hilarious joke to annoy me and he’s been doing it continuously ever since. The last time he did it I was so fed up I instinctively pushed him away without thinking. I felt very angry and raised my voice, telling him strongly to stop doing it. Then he got angry at me for “overreacting” and getting mad. He’s otherwise a mature and thoughtful guy (I know I haven’t made a good case for it but you just have to take my word for it) but this one habit irritates me to no end. I can’t believe he keeps doing it to get a reaction out of me. Should I dump him?

First of all, WHAT THE FUCK.

Second of all, no really, WHAT THE FUCK.

I have to agree with Prudie here: “before you are tempted to cut off his tongue, just cut your losses” and break up with Slurpy. The letter writer (LW) has repeatedly asked her boyfriend to stop licking her on the face — not an unreasonable request — and he has been doing it “continuously ever since.” Dump. His. Ass.

Why it is that some people — mostly guys, in my experience, but that’s just who I mostly hear my girl friends talk about — think that immature teasing is funny? Don’t people realize that immaturity makes you totally unfuckable? No one thinks your 4th grader behavior is “hilarious” more than once, if that. Mr. Face Licker is not mature enough to realize once was enough nor is he mature enough to realize that an integral part of keeping a relationship afloat is not annoying the person you want to fuck you. And the fact that this LW said she asked him to stop — like, say, the bum-grabbing convo I had with O’Boyfriend — but he is “continuously” licking her only goes to show that he doesn’t care. She’s just a cheek to slobber on, as it were.

I’m glad the LW didn’t include his age, because if it was older than 14, I don’t think I would be able to handle it.

[Slate]

Contact the author of this post at Jessica@TheFrisky.com. Follow me on Twitter and Tumblr.

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