It’s Britney, Bitch! Britney Spears’ “X-Factor” Debut

Last night, Britney Spears made her “X-Factor” debut, and it was priceless. Britney is back, and she is, well, super weird, making strange facial expressions and seeming kind of blank. But whatever, I could watch Britney Spears simulate real human emotion forever. And you know, she’s not the easy judge everybody thought she’d be. She actually has a lot of not very nice things to say, in the way that someone who is not very bright but is trying to seem witty might.

Oh, but that’s not the only thing that happened to Ms. Spears Wednesday night. She also had a very “Maury Povich” visitor from her past!

This is Don Philip. He did a duet with Brit-Brit on a song a zillion years ago, but that was seemingly before he went on some crazy downward spiral fueled by (probably) drugs and lip injections. And he looks exactly like Gob from “Arrested Development”! I was really worried about him after watching his complete fireball of a meltdown on “X-Factor” so I Googled him, and it actually turns out that he was super emotional because he came out to Britney for the first time on stage. But Fox conveniently edited that part out.