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“Gallery Girls” Recap: Photos And Fakeness

"Gallery Girls," Ep. 1-2
Liz is a bitch! Amy is a drunk! The Brooklyn girls suck! Read More »
"Gallery Girls," Ep. 3
Maggie touches her hair some more! Read More »
"Gallery Girls," Ep. 4
Bitches, breakdowns, and breakups, oh my! Read More »
A Visit To The Sucklord

Good day, and welcome to Terrible Young People Behaving Terribly. On this episode of “Gallery Girls,” we’re mainly concerned with the comings and goings and It-Girl-ing of one Angela Pham, resident photographer and Brooklynite. It seems that Angela insists on pursuing her dreams or something of becoming a photographer/It Girl, and it’s the eve of her first big show. “It has to be good or else I don’t know what will happen to my reputation,” she intones. Yes, because that’s what making art is all about. Your reputation.

Claudia and Chantal are heading to a meeting with Bravolebrity Sucklord, who conveniently appeared on the network’s other art show “Work of Art.” Chantal really wants to do a show with Sucklord because she knows it’ll bring money into their store/gallery/aloof hangout End of Century. But Claudia would like to keep up the guise of artistic integrity and hates Sucklord’s work, which is largely created from refashioned action figures. She wants him to do something more appropriate for EOC. Sucklord is not amused. “You’re into chick flicks and stuff?” he asks. “Yeah, we listen to Joni Mitchell all day and cry,” says Claudia. She wants Sucklord to make Occupy Wall Street art. Because hahaha these people are just terrible and should die in a flaming fireball.

P.S. Sucklord looks exactly like noted character actor Kevin Corrigan.

Uptown, Amy’s having a dinner party and both Chantal and Claudia bail out, claiming they’re sick. Not at all suspect. It’s kind of weird, because Amy has a dinner party, but doesn’t actually wait for anybody to show up before eating dinner. Kerri points out that Amy’s dad is paying for her apartment, which is pretty obvious since her apartment looks like a mini-suite at the Palm Beach Hilton. A bunch more people show up, including Angela. At first, I was proud of her for going out of her comfort zone to go to Amy’s party. And then I realized she was probably just doing it for the additional camera time. Oh, that Angela.

Amy is mega-late for a meeting with her internship advisor Sharon Hurowitz. Sharon set up the meeting specifically for her and she doesn’t bother showing up on time, which is super professional. Amy gets a stern warning from Sharon about her timeliness. And so Amy responds by um, “delegating” her internship responsibilities to Kerri behind Sharon’s back. This is highly suspect. Amy is not Kerri’s boss.

Angela has a lot to prove with this photo show — and her great white whale seems to be pleasing her parents who are both doctors. “I want to be an ‘It Girl’ and you know, some people might call me a fame whore, but I have some depth to me.” Yes, yes you do. And it is all over the Internet, girl — Angela apparently let nudie photographer Richard Kern take some risqué photos of her, which are floating around the web. Somewhere. (Let me know if you find them).

Maggie is heading to Easton, PA, to visit her family. She’s bringing boyfriend Ryan who, she explains, told her mom he loved her before he told her. That’s kind of cute. Her mom seems totally normal, and she and Maggie have the same voice. She bugs Maggie about her “job” with Eli Klein. Maggie is in deep denial about her stupid internship, and hates that everyone is lecturing her about what she should do with her life. But still, Maggie, get the fuck out of Eli Klein!

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Back in New York, Maggie starts going on job interviews. She totally bombs them. The curator at the first gallery she interviews at takes her in the back and asks her to speak about the work there. One piece is a huge vagina sculpture made of adding machine paper, and Maggie says she doesn’t see a vagina in the work. Duh Maggie, the first rule of the art world is that there are vaginas in practically everything.

Maggie goes on another interview with the Bernarducci Meisel Gallery. Again, Maggie is not really very good at stretching the truth in interviews. She has a difficult time articulating what she’s actually good at, and all too quick to tell her future employees what she doesn’t know. Frank Bernarducci then comes out to interview her, and basically calls Eli Klein out on being a shitty boss that takes advantage of Maggie. She’s been interning, for free, at Eli’s gallery for the last two years, which is not only waaaaay too long, but also pretty much illegal in the state of New York.

Sucklord’s End of Century show draws a huge crowd — though it’s not the typical hipsters with bad posture crowd Chantal and Claudia are used to. Sucklord stages a strange Occupy Wall Street event in the store and gets a bit rowdy. Gollum Chantal (we’ll just call her GC for short) reminds everyone to yell in their inside voices. Eventually, swayed by the large amount of cash they’ve made, the girls are actually pretty thrilled with the Sucklord show.

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It’s the night of Angela’s show, and the whole contractually obligated cast shows up. Angela’s work is … very art school. She’s says to one of her guests, “It’s really just teetering on the precipice of moroseness. That’s what I love about my own photography.” Modest much? Chantal’s boyfriend Spencer, who we’ve established has an Asian fetish, compliments Angela, which of course raises Chantal’s ire. “Photography is my least favorite medium,” she tells Angela. Despite Chantal’s total bitchiness, Angela’s night goes off successfully

Before we go, we’d like to share our friend Greg Seals’ (from Hypervocal) intro to “Gallery Girls” — in case you’re just joining us, or are still unclear who all of these bitches are.

Next week: Amy gets busted for delegating to Kerri. The girls travel to Art Basel, Liz gets waxed and a major bitchfest goes down.

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