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Advice For Dudes: How To Call A Phone Sex Line

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Phone sex expert Miranda Austin has graciously shared with us a chapter from her book Phone Sex: Aural Thrills And Oral Skills, available both on Amazon.com and Audible.com (oh la la!). Here she explains how a novice should make a phone call to a phone sex line.

In order to get the most from your phone sex experience, you as the customer have a few responsibilities. (Yes, yes, I know you’re paying, but you still have to help.)

First and most important, tell the operator what you want. It sounds simple enough, and for some people it’s easy. Some callers just go ahead and say, “Hi Kristi, I’d like for you to role-play that you’re Mother Goose and I’m a firefighter, and when I come over to put out the fire in the giant shoe, you recite nursery rhymes as I eat your pussy.”

Great! Fantastic! Now I know exactly what to do. If you have a fantasy like this and you’re too shy to tell me about it, it’s likely that you’ll have a tough time having it fulfilled. Face facts: no one is going to be able to guess that one. Try writing your fantasy down and reading it to your phone sex girl, or sending it to her in e-mail. She probably won’t find it as strange as you might think.

Once you get started, be an active participant in the call. You may not want to talk much, and that’s fine. If you’d just like to listen, we don’t mind. But it really helps if you let your phone sex girl know that the call is going well for you. A simple “mmm, yeah” or a moan now and then tells her that she’s on the right track. Some guys are so quiet that I literally don’t know whether they’re blissfully stroking their cocks or have gone out for a snack.

Related: First Time For Everything: Phone Sex

If the operator says something like, “How’re you doing, sweetie?” or “Still with me?” that’s probably a clue that she’s wondering if you’ve fallen asleep. You might want to give her some direction, like: “Oh yeah, this is great” or “Tell me more about your tits.” This is also the perfect opportunity to let her know if the call is not going well. It’s completely within your rights as a customer to ask her to go in another direction (“Nah, this dominatrix thing isn’t doing it for me, let’s pretend you’re my ex-wife instead,”) or talk dirtier, or move the call along faster.

In fact, do that anytime you feel things aren’t going quite right. You don’t ever need to continue a call that isn’t working for you. There’s no blame attached — sometimes personalities just don’t click. You’re paying for this, so if you’re not enjoying it, hang up. No one will be offended.

Set the boundaries on small talk. Many phone workers will start a call with a few questions about you. This isn’t about her trying to keep you on the phone longer — early conversation serves an important purpose. It lets the worker get to know you just a bit, and helps nervous callers to relax. But you’re not required to make small talk if you’d rather not. It’s perfectly acceptable for you to say, “If you don’t mind, I’d rather just tell you about my fantasy.”

Respect her limits. Remember, the phone sex operator is a human being, too, and she has limits of her own. Just because you’re paying her, doesn’t mean she’s required to do anything you ask. Common fantasies that some operators will refuse include rape or other violence, sex with children or animals, and bathroom calls. If your phone girl has a website, you can probably get a good idea of her limits from that. If not, just ask.

Related: 15 Things To Do When Your Boo Goes On A Business Trip

Don’t try to wangle a free call. The phone sex operator is not going to give you a freebie because it’s your first time, or it’s your birthday, or your wife is sick, or you just retired, or you’re about to get your paycheck, or you swear you’ll send the money tomorrow, or the boss said it’s okay, or all the other girls give you free calls. No matter how charming you think you are, you’re not going to sweettalk your way into free phone sex.

Don’t expect anything beyond the phone call. While the occasional phone sex operator does personal sessions or appearances, the vast majority would never consider it. I suggest that you don’t even bring up a real life meeting, but if absolutely can’t stop yourself, ask once. When she says no, move on.

Don’t try to turn professional phone sex into something it isn’t. Enjoy it for what it is — a sexy, seductive break from reality!

Miranda Austin is a writer, sex educator, BDSM enthusiast, and professional arts advocate. She has a couple of academic degrees, spends too much time at her computer, and lives with her husband, his weapons collection, and their brood of extremely dominant household animals. Learn more at MirandaAustin.com (NSFW).

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